lesbiassparrow: (Default)
[personal profile] lesbiassparrow
Here is the promised picspam of the gayest and socialistest Son of Hercules who ever breathed. Really he was - most of this plot was taken up with loving shots of him and his sidekick, Bangor. The rest of it was about stopping the evil Molemen oppressing people and forcing them to work in their diamond mine and not believing in the freedom of man.

Sadly the quality of the film was not great so some of the more stirring and actiony scenes could not be screen-capped. And the caps I got weren't so great.



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This is the name of the mighty genius who not only came up with the story but also directed this amazing film. Truly one of cinema's auteurs. I was particularly fond of the way a jaunty song, reminiscent of the Gilligan Island's theme, played over this opening.

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Here is the first shot of the mighty Son of Hercules. I knew he was mighty before I even saw him because the song told me so.

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You can't really see in this picture but the thing he is labouring to haul in is a whale. How or why he harpooned this innocent creature is left a mystery. I think he did it to prove his deep manliness. Oh, Son of Hercules, you don't need to prove anything. You can be a manly gay socialist you know.

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I am afraid it was too difficult to take a decent shot of the first thrilling sight of the Molemen because of the state of the film so here is a touching picture of Son of Hercules cradling the first of their many victims. They were right bastards

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Hearing of the evil doings of the Molemen SoH (who is called Majestus) goes to find them and wreck mighty revenge upon them for killing innocent people and destroying villages and things like that. Here he searches for them in bushes.

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SoH leaps into action! There is fighting and blood and dead Molemen. If your feelings are one of disappointment and sadness that the Molemen are not actually dressed up as moles then they match my own. Instead the Molemen are albinos who are killed dead by the sun which I feel is not nearly as thrilling.

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This guy turns out to be an Incredibly Important Moleman. He is no doubt realising that this will only turn out to be one of many times SoH goes all stompy and killy on Molemen.

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This guy, Bangor, is also very important because he is the lover of SoH. Or, at least, that was the message I got from the film. I am sure I am right. Look at him, all oiled up and offering coconuts to SoH for saving him from peril. There are so many breast jokes I could make about this shot but I am above such things so I will not.

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Yummy, he says.

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This is not all my obsession: the camera dwelt lovingly on his chest as he kept waving those coconuts

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Can't you see it's love? I think this is the bit where SoH talked about all men being free and equal. It was very socialist and Spartacusy.

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Handholding! Awww.

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Then there is some joking about moles. I didn't get it, personally but I bet it was funny whenever this film was made

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This is the important Moleman from before and his dad the chief ugly helmet wearer. Apparently this was a key role in Moleman society because this guy was everywhere.

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Molemen on the rampage and in hot pursuit of SoH and his lover

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Look at this shot of the two of them and tell me that these are not the gayest gay lovers of ancient myth.

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I can't remember what was going on here. I just like the way this Moleman's eyes boggle.

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SoH and Bangor allow themselves to be taken captive so they can find their way to a new source of gay lovers. And also liberate the slaves and stop the evil capitalist plots of the Molemen. (Remember: gay and socialist)

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This guy is taking the opportunity of pretending to be upset about some lost princess that Bangor was supposed to be guarding to feel his muscles. And who can blame him?

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Of course the Molemen have an evil queen.

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Here's SoH and Bangor lounging suggestively in jail

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Evil queen likes to watch and admire

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Really Important Moleman is not so happy as she finds SoH rather enticing. No, evil queen, he belongs to Bangor!!!

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Hmmmm... Bangor also seems to have a bit on the side. Nooo, don't break SoH's heart, Bangor!

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Poor SoH! Look at him all chained up and sad

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Really Important Moleman feels very cocky with a tied up SoH and an exciting helmet.

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Then for some reason SoH wrestles a man in a gorilla suit. It's about as well done a scene as you'd imagine

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Oh yeah, this is the half-witted princess SoH frees

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And here's some handmaiden in an exciting headdress explaining to the evil queen about how totally lovely the sun is

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A Moleman strikes a gong to signal an incredibly important scene coming up

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And that's the evil queen's seduction of SoH.

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This is followed by a savage attack by the sacred lions

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The evil queen cannot believe her eyes! Not the sacred lions!!! Sadly she is saved by SoH who asks her to stop oppressing people and forcing them to work as slaves.

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Exhausted by all this heroism SoH retires to a single bed to dream of Bangor

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After some stuff I couldn't screen cap SoH has to indulge in an incredible feat of manliness to save Bangor and some other guy. Please note the gratuitous inclusion of SoH crotch shot.

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Then all the slaves are freed

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Incredibly Important Moleman dies in the sun. As he should

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SoH and Bangor do manly things together because they are in love

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Evil Queen dies for interfering in their pure and deep love. See? This is what happens when you try and get between a Greek hero and his sidekick.

And they all lived happily ever after. Except for the Molemen who were all killed.

Date: 2007-08-26 05:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] calixa.livejournal.com
Oh MY GOD. *has no words*

The headgear is making me jealous.

Date: 2007-08-26 05:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
I cannot believe that this cinematic masterpiece has been overlook for so long. And I have 49 similar ones to watch! I am incredibly excited for what else lurks within the pack.

Date: 2007-08-26 05:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meganbmoore.livejournal.com
oh my.

I would have something witty or snarky to say, but I am busy being amazed by all the bulging muscles. Those boys certainly worked out...

Date: 2007-08-26 05:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
Plus ye ancynt times apparently had an unlimited supply of oil to polish those muscles.

Date: 2007-08-26 05:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dangermousie.livejournal.com
OMG.

*is blind*

*but happy*

Date: 2007-08-26 05:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
Can you believe I still have 49 excitingly similar films to watch? Such a bounty.

Date: 2007-08-26 05:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
Pretty much my reaction to the entire film.

Date: 2007-08-26 05:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zandra-x.livejournal.com
But why do the Mole Men wear show chickens
Image

on their heads?

Date: 2007-08-26 07:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
OMG! So they do. This fact about Moleman society was never explained. Nor why they had to abduct all their women. There's room for a dissertation on this vanished society for the right person.

Date: 2007-08-26 06:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raincitygirl.livejournal.com
Bwahahahahaaaa!!!!!! Oh man,s o funny.

So, when does the epic driving trip from hell end?

Date: 2007-08-26 07:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
It has ended! I am there! Or here, rather. Still sorting out paperwork a process which will, I suspect, take the rest of my life.

Date: 2007-08-26 10:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raincitygirl.livejournal.com
Wheee!!!!! Finally in the apartment for which you've been paying rent the better part of two months. How is it? And I'm sure it's super-chaotic right now, but we should definitely get together while I still have tomatoes.

Date: 2007-08-26 12:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nolivingman.livejournal.com
Bwah! Awesome. I can only imagine how many times a day those actors had to be oiled up in order to look that shiny in every shot.

I know the Molemen are evil, but they have the better hats. It makes me conflicted in who I should root for.

Date: 2007-08-26 07:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
The actors were stupendously shiny. It made me very happy to see men so dedicated to their art.

Date: 2007-08-26 04:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lovinlorne.livejournal.com
Awwwww. I thought they were going to be like the molemen from Superman.

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Date: 2007-08-26 07:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
Bwaah! I never knew the evil mole plague was so far flung. It affects all areas of tv and film.

Date: 2007-08-26 05:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lage-nom-ai.livejournal.com
I love you.

Date: 2007-08-26 07:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
As much as SoH love Bangor or is it a lesser love?

Date: 2007-08-26 07:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lage-nom-ai.livejournal.com
It's a love as extravagant as the Mole People's headwear.

Date: 2007-08-26 10:21 pm (UTC)
morwen_peredhil: (doctor porn - by amberlynne)
From: [personal profile] morwen_peredhil
Genius! PURE GENIUS! I bow down before the mad filmmaking skills of everyone involved in this cinematic masterpiece. SoH/Bangor is my new oiled-up, manly OTP. Sigh!

Date: 2007-08-28 12:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
It is an utter travesty that Leonviola is not mentioned with reverence whenever people talk about cinematic history.

Date: 2007-08-27 01:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sajia.livejournal.com
It grieves me to say that I must as of this moment defriend you. For if I do not, I will be forced to/ willingly be ravished to watch your screencappings of another 49 winningly trashy films. And then I Will Die Of The Laughing. Which will not be good.

Date: 2007-08-28 12:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
Well, if it helps I am not sure I am quite yet ready to explore the delights of the other 49 films. I might be overcome and forced to lie with damp cloths on my forehead if I exposed myself to so much cinematic genius at once.

Date: 2007-09-04 08:35 am (UTC)
ext_23287: (Default)
From: [identity profile] shinyjenni.livejournal.com
If your feelings are one of disappointment and sadness that the Molemen are not actually dressed up as moles then they match my own.

That is exactly what I was thinking!

Date: 2007-09-05 05:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
I was so hoping they'd have little claws and pointy noses and things...I guess I was thinking less cheapo Italian films of the 60s and more Wind in the Willows.

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