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Being The Tragic Story of the Third Saddest Spy in the History of the World

By A Lady

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This is Tom Quinn. A man of constant anguish and spypain. He suffers for Queen! and Country! And I suspect to entertain terrorists the world over, who like to strike at pivotal moments in his life just to ensure he will never have a moment's happiness. It's not an easy life being the Third Saddest Spy in the History of the World.



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I think terrorists just follow him about, waiting for the critical moment to strike to add to his suffering.

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It works quite brilliantly: he suffers wherever he goes. On roofs...

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...streets...

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...and chairs... (I cannot tell you what amusement it gives me that Macfadyen's default expression in this show is one of utter, wretched misery.)

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See? But it's all for Queen! and Country! (The politics of this show are hilariously and appallingly Edwardian. If you are doing it for your country it's all okay! The only problem is how people JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS.)

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Like Ellie, his girlfriend. (Fandom hates Ellie because she had the effrontery to be annoyed that Tom lied to her about everything until he was cornered and then nearly got her and her daughter blown up. The cheek of it!)

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I actually think she has a point. And is perfectly right to leave him.

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Tom, however, feels it is all very unfair.

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Random woman thinks that these pictures of Tragic Tom will fetch a great price. But, she wonders is there anyway to make him even more miserable?

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Oh yes, there is! They can kill off a co-worker!

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But not before she has made inappropriate advances, thus giving him manpain about how he is betraying Ellie. Oh, and how he hasn't actually told her he is a spy yet. Yep: putting it off until you have no choice: that's always a good idea.

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Random fact for your edification: It is a little known fact that Her Majesty's Secret Service is one of the leading employers of little old ladies in Great Britain.

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I love how they use this picture of Danny to make him seem all serious and like he is doing something dangerous and spying related, when, in fact, he is changing his credit score on a computer.

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I rather like Danny, but I understand that at some point they blow him up. Probably after a season of misery.

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Here is Zoe and Danny in a rare happy moment. Because they're cute.

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Jools Silviter, someone incredibly important in MI-6, is also keen to profit from Tom's misery, only he is miffed he hasn't quite worked out how to do that yet.

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Tom adds that to his list of things to be miserable about.

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You keep that look up, thinks Jools, that's money in the bank.

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Then Giles the guy who brought him into MI-5 kills himself for love after betraying the service, just to add to Tom's pain. (Incidentally, there's a lot of stuff in fandom about this guy and Tom, as you would imagine. Most of it, bizarrely, imagines that he was in charge of the initial relationship, even though it's clear that Tom reads him better than he reads Tom. After all, in a five minute conversation he realises he has gone from being uberspy to being an uberanarchist. In Wales.)

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Sadly, Ellie can never quite understand the depths of his agony, being but a regular non-spy person. However, sometimes he just anguishes around her to keep her on her toes.

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Ooh, that's good, thinks the whole of MI-5. They can totally make a bundle off that look. Tonight they eat like kings!

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"Have you thought about not being miserable?" asks Ellie. "I find it helps."

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Tom ponders that idea and it makes him even sadder.

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Patrick McCann, Irish terrorist, decides it's his group's turn to enjoy making Tom's personal and professional life a pit of misery such as the world has never seen.

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The Kurdish had already tried their best.

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For some strange, slashtastic reason it involves getting him to take all of his clothes off in a field. Right. Notice how his depressed expression is quite magnificent.

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Ah, the many faces of Tom Quinn: depressed, depressed, or even more depressed.

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Honestly, there is no moment of happiness for Tom Quinn. I rather admire his endless, glorious misery.

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His boss, Harry, is really quite proud of having the Third Saddest Spy in the History of the World in his employ. Sometimes when he is on his own he likes to try out Tom's expressions himself.

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Tom tragically trying to convince Ellie to move back in.

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See? THE SADNESS OF IT ALL

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And then she does and terrorists try to blow them up. Well done there, Tom.

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THE SUFFERING. GOD, THE SUFFERING.

Date: 2009-08-05 04:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meganbmoore.livejournal.com
THE FACT THAT THE FIRST SERIES ENDED WITH HIM STARING INSIDE AND THEM POSSIBLY BLOWING UP! I MEAN REALLY! (Haven't watched past that yet.)

Sometimes, i think he almost looked undepressed when talking to the little girl.

Date: 2009-08-05 04:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
I think they also give him three seconds of happiness when with Ellie. Of course, underneath he is suffering madly because he is lying to her. THE PAIN, GOD, THE PAIN.

Date: 2009-08-05 04:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nutmeg3.livejournal.com
Bwah! Too,too funny. The title and author alone had me laughing.

Date: 2009-08-05 04:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
Your laughter only brings Tom even more anguish. I rather approve of this.

Date: 2009-08-05 04:56 am (UTC)
ext_18106: (Default)
From: [identity profile] lyssie.livejournal.com
Danny and Zoe are my favorites. Harry sneaks in at times, and Ruth is pretty fun, too.

BUT. OH, TOM. You poor thing. *pats him*

Date: 2009-08-05 05:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
I enjoy them all, but Tom and his endless woes are my favourite. Though, mind you, I haven't seen beyond the first episode of season 2. I feel any more of his misery might be a surfeit.

Date: 2009-08-05 06:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] namastenancy.livejournal.com
I should not be laughing at the man pain but this is delightfully funny. I loved the first couple of seasons but now, I couldn't watch them again with a straight face. Plus - Tom sans shirt. I had no idea he was so hairy.
No wonder he's full of angst - all that unglamorous, un chic hair.

Date: 2009-08-05 04:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
all that unglamorous, un chic hair.

It's probably why he keeps it. You know he thought about waxing because that would give him temporary pain, but then he decided the misery of unchic hair was even more value.

Date: 2009-08-06 01:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] namastenancy.livejournal.com
ROFLOL! Right - because hairballs just add to the pain.

Date: 2009-08-05 10:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] filmi-girl.livejournal.com
Gosh, apparently I NEED TO WATCH THIS! (Now that I'm all caught up with True Blood!)

Date: 2009-08-05 04:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
It is quite one of the most entertaining things I have ever seen - this is all season 1 (I've only seen that and season 7, which is also full of a different spy's manly anguish.)

Date: 2009-08-05 04:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] filmi-girl.livejournal.com
Now that I have to watch Vampire Bill's manly anguish weekly with everyone else, I think I might have time for this... ;P

Date: 2009-08-05 11:41 am (UTC)
ext_23287: (Default)
From: [identity profile] shinyjenni.livejournal.com
Random fact for your edification: It is a little known fact that Her Majesty's Secret Service is one of the leading employers of little old ladies in Great Britain.

This is trufax. Also, HEE! Oh Spooks, I love it but it can be quite ridiculous.

Date: 2009-08-05 04:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
Oh Spooks, I love it but it can be quite ridiculous.

I love that it is so ridiculous and also so serious about its ridiculousness. It's like a John Buchan novel set in the 2000s. Delightful.

Date: 2009-08-05 12:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dangermousie.livejournal.com
Ahahahahaaaaa - so who are the first and second spies?

Date: 2009-08-05 04:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
The saddest is Jason Bourne - you can't really beat necro-kissing and his wuxia life. The second is Lucas North* (also from Spooks, so Harry doesn't pine for Tom's magnificent misery). Poor Tom can only come third.

*He has manly prison tattoos of anguish. This is how we know he is really miserable.
Edited Date: 2009-08-05 04:42 pm (UTC)

Date: 2009-08-05 01:32 pm (UTC)
ext_3965: (Default)
From: [identity profile] persiflage-1.livejournal.com
Hilarious!! I do love Tom, but he is so very emo!!

Date: 2009-08-05 04:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
I love Tom because of his emo. I only sit through the seconds of happiness because I know they will make him pay for them. And pay and pay.

Date: 2009-08-05 05:13 pm (UTC)
ext_3965: (Default)
From: [identity profile] persiflage-1.livejournal.com
True!!

So who are the first and second saddest spies?

Date: 2009-08-05 05:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
See the post above. It should explain my complicated spypain ranking system. :)

(And I must say that Tom is looking quite wonderfully tragic in your icon.)

Date: 2009-08-05 05:31 pm (UTC)
ext_3965: (Default)
From: [identity profile] persiflage-1.livejournal.com
Sadly it's my only Spooks icon, because Spooks isn't my main fandom (nor even my second!) But I'm fond of it...

I'll check the post...

Date: 2009-08-05 03:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fivil.livejournal.com
Oh the expressionless emptions of misery :(

Tragic/brilliant and aww, Keeley Hawes!

Date: 2009-08-05 04:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
Macfadyen is not a very good actor (or so I think) but he is very good at looking utterly, completely miserable. It's an admirable talent.

Date: 2009-08-05 04:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aikakone.livejournal.com
What's this show?

Funny... er... I mean... anguishing macro story

Date: 2009-08-05 04:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
Spooks/MI-5, a British spy show. Think 24 only with less money and guns. (At least in the first season - in the seventh they seem to wave them around with happy abandon.)

Date: 2009-08-05 05:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aikakone.livejournal.com
Never actually seen 24, but I get the comparison.

I'm sure you were very much enjoying the man pain. Never really seen a man with more pained expressions other than R-Patz being all Edward Cullen.

Date: 2009-08-05 05:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lovinlorne.livejournal.com
He also does 1700's man-pain very well.

I have to admit that I vastly preferred his portrayal of Mr. Darcy to Colin Firth's. Colin Firth's Mr. Darcy is very over rated IMHO. I can't even begin to sit through that train wreck of P&P.

Date: 2009-08-05 09:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
I don't remember particularly being in love with his Darcy, but I am determined to go back now to see if his range of miserable expressions is the same or if he's branched out into new and exciting ways of looking anguished.

Date: 2009-08-05 05:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] miss-dian.livejournal.com
Heeeeeee.... KEEP BRINGING ON THE PAIN...!!! :D

Date: 2009-08-05 09:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
Spooks is like a positive banquet for those who are admirers of manpain.

Date: 2009-08-05 07:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pontisbright.livejournal.com
Aww, I'd forgotten about not!Giles. And how very cute Tom'n'Zoe'n'Danny were. OH LOOK I JUST FOUND MY S1 DVDS HOORAY.

You really should watch the last episode of S2 too (I mean the bits before he walks into the sea in the most inexplicable moment of spypain EVAR). And all of it, obviously. There's one episode about terrorist attacks on London which scared the shit out of me at the time and frankly is probably even more terrifying now - and you will be unsurprised to learn there is quite a lot of Tom Quinn aaaaaaaaaaaangst involved. (And Lynda with Y! Yay.)

Date: 2009-08-05 09:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
I mean the bits before he walks into the sea in the most inexplicable moment of spypain EVAR

I have seen clips of the swim in the North Sea. It looks like one of the most hilariously emo scenes ever - and I say this as a long-time fan of emo scenes.

The big problem I have with Spooks is that I don't really like the spy bits. I watch them, but only for the angst that they cause people. Plus, I have to admit that I really, really loathe a lot of the basic beliefs of the show (surveillance is ultimately for your own good, the secret service is a noble and competent organization that is filled with basically honourable people) so that I am not sure I could get through a huge amount of episodes. Though I do love quality Tom angst, so who knows...

Date: 2009-08-06 01:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ulkis.livejournal.com
It's odd. When I watched the show I remember Tom's mainpain being slightly . . . manlier. The pouting makes him look like he's 5 in all these pictures.

Date: 2009-08-06 05:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
I hope that you realise that your cutting words have made Tom about 2000% sadder. He totally looks at least 7 when he is miserable.

Date: 2009-08-06 02:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naomi-jw.livejournal.com
Your posts make me want to write an epic manpain Spooks/G-Force crossover fic where he gets royally pwned by guinea pigs.

Date: 2009-08-06 05:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
Hee! I wonder if that would move him up to being the second saddest spy in the history of the world? He'd like that.

Date: 2009-08-06 02:33 pm (UTC)
ext_17485: (Default)
From: [identity profile] calapine.livejournal.com
It's lolarious because it's So Painfuly True. OH TOM HOW YOUR FACE WOULD BREAK WERE YOU TO SMILE.

Date: 2009-08-06 06:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
WERE HE TO SMILE EVER TERRORIST WOULD HAVE TO BLOW UP HALF OF THE UK TO MAKE HIM SAD AGAIN. HIS PAIN IS SWEET MUSIC TO THEM. (For real: 90% of terrorist incidents in the first season seemed timed just so they could screw him over.)

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