lesbiassparrow: (THEY MOVE LIKE COUGARS)
[personal profile] lesbiassparrow
Hence comments on Outlander. So far I haven't gotten to the Scene I Have Been Warned About and it is not yet the worst thing I have ever read. Well, not quite, because I still think that book about the vampire who was cursed with having a dragon leap out of him on regular occasions was worse. But I am impressed by Hero and Heroine's ability to be captured by the English at every pivotal plot point. They should stop escaping as it only means that much effort and energy will be expended before they are inevitably captured again. I am also impressed by everyone's ability to speak English no matter how remote the area. They also speak Gaelic as well because otherwise how would we know this is the past, but they are kind enough only to speak it when it is not important for the Heroine to know something. I did not actually know that whipping of various sorts was such an important feature of 18th century rural life. In fact, so important was whipping people talked about it all the time. How they laughed about memorable whippings they had had! How they would regale each other with that story about how their dad/laird/the English/their clansmen whipped them for doing something that totally proves how much of a man they were! It made up about 90% of people's conversation when they weren't talking about whiskey, sadism, and horses.

The rest of the time, of course, they were off having sex in the bracken. Or being captured by the English and then having sex to celebrate their (temporary) escape. I REFUSE TO TALK ABOUT THE OTHER THINGS THAT MAKE UP THIS NOVEL INCLUDING THE AMOUNT OF TIMES PEOPLE TRY TO RAPE VARIOUS PEOPLE.

Heroine is total idiot: if anyone ever offers me the choice between hot baths, modern plumbing and medicine, not being captured by would-be rapist Englishmen and no plumbing, dirt and god knows what horrific illnesses that ran rampant in the 18th century, I know what option I am choosing and it doesn't include the hot and previously virginal 18th Scotsman no matter what he's got under his kilt. ARE YOU MAD, WOMAN? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT HAPPENS TO THE HIGHLANDS IN THE 18TH CENTURY? CULLODEN IS ONLY THE START, YOU TWIT. PLUS NO INDOOR PLUMBING! AND RAPIST ENGLISHMEN! Admittedly, your husband seemed a bit of a waste of space, but think of being able to take a bath! And use a loo! And live with people who probably washed now and then. (Of course, this being romance, no one smells to high heaven in the olden times. Instead they smell earthy and manly and the like. BOLLOCKS, ALL BOLLOCKS.)

THIS BOOK ALSO NEEDS MORE PEOPLE
WHO MOVE LIKE COUGARS.
And Duncan McCloud McLeod OF THE CLAN MCCLOUD McLeod.* I cannot tell you how much I wish he'd make a cameo appearance.

*TRAGICALLY I UNCLANNED DUNCAN WHICH PROBABLY MEANS THAT AS A HIGHLANDER HE HAS TO BURN HIS KILT.

ETA: HEROINE IS NOW FIGHTING OFF A WOLF. A FUCKING WOLF. WITH ONLY A CLOAK OR SOMETHING.

ETA 2: YOU KNOW THEY'RE ALL TOO STUPID TO LIVE. WHO TURNS DOWN LAUDANUM IN FAVOUR OF BEING CONSCIOUS WHILE PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO RESET BONES? MORONS, THAT'S WHO.

ETA 3: I am confused as to the geography of this novel. One moment they're in Scotland, the next minute they're in the English Channel and someone talks about going overland to France, which I feel was probably pretty impossible then as now.

ETA 4: I feel perhaps the discussion of Catholic religious practices might have been better not shoe-horned in at the end, especially as Heroine is supposed to be mad with worry over Hero.

ETA 5: WHAT? WHAT? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SCENE WHERE SHE HEALS HIM BY PRETENDING TO BE EVIL ENGLISHMAN? WHAT?

ETA 6: IT IS DONE. DONE. LIKE A DONE THING. I SHALL NOT BE READING THE SEQUEL BUT I SHALL TELL YOU WHAT IS IN IT ANYWAY: PEOPLE BEING CAPTURED BY THE ENGLISH, WHIPPING, MANLY FEATS AND NO PLUMBING. PLUS ONE WOULD SUSPECT MUCH MORE DIRE GOINGS ON THAN I LIKE TO DESCRIBE IN THIS JOURNAL.
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