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Servillia is now evil and snogging Cassius. In front of Brutus. Who tried to send her off for olives to forestall this. Now Brutus is magically the Pontifex Maximus and looks about as delighted at this as he was at Cassius and his mum snogging.

ETA 1: IN THE DUNGEONS THEY CALL OCTAVIAN PLEASURE BOY. AND TO STOP HIM BEING KILLED TYRANNUS MUST CLAIM HIM AS HIS PROPERTY. A billion fanficcers heads just exploded. And Octavian is tending him with care after he suffered so Octavian would not be killed. It's like every slash fantasy right on the screen.

ETA 2: Octavian may have to betray Tyrannus. Nooooo! Don't do it!

Seriously, people, THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER. IT HAS TOTALLY CHANGED MY VIEW OF ROME.

ETA 3: It saddens me to report that no one wears togas properly in any of these things. ONLY A BARBARIAN WOULD USE A PIN TO KEEP A TOGA TOGETHER. NEXT THING YOU KNOW THEY'LL BE WEARING THOSE NEW SILK, SEE-THROUGH TOGAS. LIKE PLEASURE BOYS.

ETA 4: Well General Magonius didn't last long. Now he is dead like a dead thing and Octavian (sweet-smelling boy that he is) is sad. Though a hideous guard has taken to calling him little flower. So...that's nice, right? Everyone likes flowers? (Except for Octavian who just bashed his head in with a rock.)

ETA 5. RIGHT IN THE DUNGEONS OF COMBAT TYRANNUS JUST DID HIS SIGNATURE SWORD SWISHING MOVEMENT. AND NOW THERE IS A SLAVE RIOT. Can someone standing up and saying "I'm Spartacus" be far behind? WORDS ALONE CANNOT EXPRSS WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SHOW THIS IS. I loves it, I do. It is my precious.

ETA 6. Because Cassius is evil he has hired master assassins from overseas to kill Octavian (they come with a lot of animal skins and giant teeth hanging around their necks). What an underhanded wanker. Also the omens are bad according to the voiceover. You think?

ETA 7. In my fantasy casting Fiona Shaw is Fulvia. YES, YOU HEARD ME. FIONA SHAW IS FULVIA. Oh, and so you don't lose track of Octavian's fragrant life, he's now having a bath with Antony.

ETA 8: Well I had hopes that this party would turn into an orgy, but I was lied to. They tossed some women dressed in fruit at me and then backed down. OMG FULVIA HAS JUST SAID "I ALWAYS LEAVE BEFORE THE ORGY." Words to live by.

ETA 9: Because I believe these posts should be educational, I shall share with you this titbit of knowledge: the later (very briefly) emperor Otho shared his wife and his secret of perfuming his feet with Nero. No word on which Nero enjoyed more. THE MORE YOU KNOW. And a request to the icon makers on my flist: can someone make me an icon of an angry chicken with the words "never mess with the sacred chickens" on it? I feel having such an icon would make my life better. And possibly the universe. Because sacred chickens are awesome. Just awesome. THEY MAY BE CHICKENS BUT THEY HAVE A DIRECT LINE TO THE GODS. YOU MESS WITH THEM AT YOUR PERIL.

ETA 10: Finally we have achieved an orgy. And Antony is looking shifty. YOu shouldn't have signed away stuff to him in the event of your death, Octavian. And sent off Tyrannus. You've really only got yourself to blame.

ETA 11. SEE? THERE'S BEEN A MASSACRE BY MEANS OF SNAKES. 40 ROMANS DEAD. ALL THE CAESARIANS. Antony is pretty happy, though. You know what the worst of it is, though? OCTAVIAN WAS WEARING LONG JOHNS. WHAT RESPECTABLE ROMAN WEARS LONG JOHNS?
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