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Recently I have become a bit obsessed with the world of paranormal romances. I haven't read any more after the J.R. Ward excursus into the land of crack with added hs, but I keep looking at them on Amazon and it astonishes me how many of them there are. Clearly, no one wants pirates or corporate raiders with hearts of stone any more. It's all about the undead and their pain.

I keep wondering how hard it would be to write one of these. I am guessing you'd have to abandon any sense of literary shame, but the great thing is that you wouldn't actually have to know anything. You'd invent the rules and could create handy powers whenever you got stuck in a plot point. In fact, your entire plot could be the torture of being a vampire/werewolf/cursed immortal of some sort and how that generally makes the hero have to brood and stalk at least three times in any chapter. Any time he's a wanker you could just skate over it by referring to his ETERNAL PAIN OF EMO IMPORTALNESS and how that made him do it. And you don't even have to say why the heroine finds his general screwed upness all alluring, instead of running like any normal person with half a brain would: everyone knows that immortal beings have the sex mojo that no one can resist.

I think I have a new career plan. I just have to work out how to write highly improbable sex scenes and sort out what sort of curse (or curses) I want my hero to have. And how often I want to write 'primal desires.' (I figure about four times per 100 pages should do it.) I am also going to call all my heroes various ancient Greek words for death: this means I will have a handy and almost endless source for various exotic and doom-laden heroic monikers.*

In other news, I have been watching the kdrama Damo. I think I will shelve it for a bit. Not because I don't like it, but mainly I think I want to watch the crack and not something that is really quality and it's a bit wasted on me at the moment.

*I have just decided my first hero will be called Thanatos and he will have a brother Teleute, who (the brother, not the hero) will be all conflicted because his name is a feminine noun in Greek. This may well be his curse and it will be resolved by the heroine renaming him Potmos, or Potty for short.

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lesbiassparrow

August 2011

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