lesbiassparrow: (Default)
...well actually I will have to because this is the second to last episode and its awesome crackness must soon be bade farewell too. Goodbye Roar and your plots that make no sense! Goodbye 'Irish' accents that wander from North to South and then off to Amerikay within the space of a sentence! Goodbye multi-ethnic 4th century Ireland of the lush palm-trees! Goodbye sweaty men in blue paint and tight pants!

But I feel sad that they rather wasted their villian in evil Longinus, who went from being a sort of demon who could suck life from people in his crinkly true form to a moper who hung around endlessly moaning on about how he had to live forever and everyone else was going to die, die, die. It became increasingly unclear why anyone would be afraid of him unless they were just scared that he would trap them in a confined space and emote all over them. Though I am rather a fan of his creepy, creepy relationship with Queen Diana. They could challenge Caligula and his sisters in the dysfunctional relationship stakes, except without the incest bit, of course.

And in other entertainment news, I am thrilled by the incipient car wreck which will surely be James Franco's first novel. This man wrote The Ape, a film whose imdb description reads: "A young writer, nearing a mental breakdown caused by his family and boss, moves into an apartment occupied by a walking, talking, foul-mouthed ape in a Hawaiian shirt and Converse High Tops." How can his novel not be sure to entertain?
lesbiassparrow: (Default)
I'm up to episode 5, which is the obligatory Jesus/messianic figure one that all faux mythical series must have and Roar continues to entertain:

So far, there's been:
1. Bad Irish (oh, so terribly bad that at one point I thought it was Welsh)
2. A banshee
3. Mystic merchants from the far east who have somehow managed to make it to Ireland to sell the natives gunpowder
4. The hearing of the mystic roar of the land which is the key to freeing all the people of Ireland from the threat of Roman invasion
5. Not nearly enough evil Queen Diana and her sidekick Longinus.
6. Tight trousers. Tight, tight trousers which cling lovingly to people's legs...um, well, you get the picture. And very little clothing given the Irish climate. They were certainly much tougher people back then.
6. No rain. Not a fecking drop. And only mud when you have to wrestle people. It's funny, but the upgrading of the Irish weather makes me roll my eyes more than the Romans invading Ireland

ETA: Marcus Cole makes a guest appearance with a quite terrifying bowl haircut and his cinaedus - whom he forces everyone to watch as he does some horrific writhing movement which only a blind person could call a dance.

ETA 2: Why do I not live in a world in which I can say lines like 'get your filthy hands off my sword'? Also Heath Ledger now has, for some inexplicable reason, a Welsh accent.

ETA 3: There has been (rather disturbingly) a good moment with Conor trying to wrap his mind around the Romans killing their own god - Christ - and dealing with possessing a weapon that can kill a god. But now it's been ruined by some stuff about the wonders of Christianity.

ETA 4: Heath Ledger now has a Scottish accent. He is travelling through all the Celtic races! Soon he will have a Breton accent and then we'll be out of Celts...
lesbiassparrow: (Default)
How did this piece of glorious rubbish bypass me first time around?

Here's the official description from the back of the box: "As the last remaining Celtic tribes struggle against Roman invaders, young Prince Conor discovers his father's tribe has been overtaken by power-hungry King Gar and his evil wife, Queen Diana. As Conor flees his lands, his lover will lead him to a destiny he never expected."

What they fail to mention are:
1. The wonders of Heath Ledger's wildly shifting accent and attempts to channel Lucy Lawless in pivotol scenes. This would work probably better if he were actually Lucy Lawless and was forced to wear those leather skirts and bustiers
2. The startling wigs imposed upon the druids and everyone else in the belief that long stringy hair = authentically Celtic
3. The hilarity of the scene where young Conor loses his one true love while struggling attractively feverishly against the men who hold him back. Never have I giggled so much at young love cut off in its prime.
4. The dialogue. My god, the dialogue. Very little of which makes any sense at all, because clearly they were relying on the sight of Heath Ledger in tight pants to draw the viewers in and not thinking about writing lines which wouldn't make the audience giggle.
5. The bull-riding. By the one black person in 5th century Ireland.
6. Just how wonderfully, magnificently evil Queen Diana is. She slithers in and out of every scene
7. The faux-celtic soundtrack which makes it clear how inspiring this all is; this is particularly important in the necessary freeing of the slaves scene, where they run out of their wee cages through the mud to the accompaniment of a second rate Enya.

Run, don't walk to buy your copy! The complete and utter shamelessness of the entire show is extremely entertaining.
lesbiassparrow: (Default)
And I haven't even seen it. But I am now the pround owner of all 13 episodes.

Listen to this description: "in the year 400 AD, only one man, Prince Conor, can unite the long-suffering Celtic clans against the seductively lethal Roman Queen Diana and her evil wizard, Longinus. As Conor attempts to harness the magical power of the land called "The Roar," he is assisted by a ragtag group of fighters."

And this wonder, starring Heath Ledger, was cancelled after only 8 episodes. What sort of bastards would do such a thing?

The only issue is that I also received Hana Yori Dango 2 in the post and now I have to choose between Conor fighting the evil Queen Diana and gorgeous Japanese boys angsting. What is a girl to do?

Meanwhile since coming back from holidays I have been catching up on Lost. I'm up to the Juliet episode (the one which aired 2 weeks ago, I think) and thorougly loathing her and her moronic stupidity. Cut for spoilers )

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