lesbiassparrow | (no subject)

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twilight

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If I ever wanted anyone to be permanently horrified at the very thought of being pregnant or giving birth, Breaking Dawn is what I would give them. It should be handed out to hormonal teenage girls everywhere.

ETA: You know, you think you're prepared for Breaking Dawn because you've read about it. BUT NOTHING PREPARES YOU FOR IT. GOD IN HEAVEN, WHAT IS THIS WOMAN ON? It must be good stuff. Possibly she shares a dealer with J.R. Ward.

ETA 2: I just... Look, there's no words for any of this. I think I might need therapy after this. There's only so much the human mind can take.

ETA 3: I think after this it will be time for me to read Proust. And perhaps some Pindar. Yeah, impossible Greek might have a chance to make my memories of this fade. OH GOD, PLEASE MAKE IT STOP.

ETA 4: After Pindar maybe some Lucretius. I won't skip a single line about atoms smashing into each other. Maybe that will stop my mind screaming at me?

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I haven't even read the book, but Breaking Dawn may be my favorite literary event of 2008. Good books are fun, and they offer a few hours, maybe days of amusement and you might even get to discuss it with your friends. But, this. This has been epic. I love reading people reaction to it, because it's always some variation on horrified WTF-ery. And I love that I don't even have to read the book to laugh at the reactions. All the entertainment, none of the trauma.

All the entertainment, none of the trauma.

You are wise. So very wise. This is not a book that one can possibly anticipate even having read the rest of them. PLEASE SEND HELP.

The book was leaked before the release date and a lot of people refused to believe that the OM NOM NOM birth scene was for real because even SM wouldn't come up with that. (Apparently they forgot that Twilight means never having to say you're kidding.)

I think the worst thing is the the nomming of Bella's belly isn't actually the worse or most horrifying part of the book.

I can't decide if the worst thing is the baby's name or the imprinting at birth. Or is it something else?

So far it's the imprinting. And perhaps the hunting scene. I mean, the demon child birth is just regular horror - the rest of it is something else entirely. WHAT THE HELL? EVEN THE TODDLER IMPRINTING DIDN'T PREPARE ME FOR THIS.

Okay, now it's the baby reacting to being imprinted. HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN, WILL THIS NEVER END?

The most frightening thing is that these books are considered wholesome just because there's no premarital sex.

You know, you think you're prepared for Breaking Dawn because you've read about it. BUT NOTHING PREPARES YOU FOR IT.

That is exactly how I felt. I thought I knew but I did not know.

Horrifyingly, my sister-in-law told me prior to my reading the book that this particular scene was "romantic," "touching," and "all about the beautiful emotions." I now suspect she takes drugs.

The imprinting scene is romantic? Or the childbirth? In either case, I want some of what she is taking because I still can't believe that Meyer wrote either one. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WOMAN?

Obviously you need your own felted mutant womb.

You know, it's sad when you can say that a man gnawing through his wife's womb is not the most disturbing bit in a book.

I TOLD YOU. BABIES WITH TEETH has to be the worst thing I have ever read.

It's sad when you have to say even babies with teeth aren't the worst of it. THE IMPRINTING ON THE BABY. THAT HAS SCARRED ME FOREVER.

Hee! I know nothing about this series other than what

cleolinda has taught me, and I find it to be hi-larious. I doubt I'll ever read them, but it's given me much joy nonetheless.

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