Driven

[lesbiassparrow]

Just when you think that you have seen the most magnificently, beautifully awful films that the world can produce, you find a new one: Driven. This remarkable film was penned by and starred in by... [drumroll please] Slyvester Stallone. He plays an old race car driver called up to the front once more so he can be the gnarled and wise presence and also probably win the cup or something because, after all, he wrote it. I would tell you about its great moments of WTF genius but I don't know where to start. For once, a film has managed to silence me. I have no words. No words at all. Language has not yet been created to capture the horrors of this film.

I have seen pretentious people say this about things of major cultural significance, so I shall imitate them: Go. Watch. Your life will never be the same again.

ETA: I do not know the world of motor racing, but I think that if in your first year out you were coming second in the championship, your team would not fire you even if you started making errors. Especially if you were at all photogenic.

ETA 2: I should mention one WTF moment: the one where the main girl does a synchronized swimming routine. For no apparent reason. Just because there's a pool and such.

Comments

[morwen_peredhil]

It is indeed a film of sublime awfulness. (I watched for Til Schweiger.)

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Is he the morose German driver?

[morwen_peredhil]

Yes. I kind of have a thing for morose Germans.

[lage-nom-ai.livejournal.com]

But... How was BURT REYNOLDS?

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

He was in a wheelchair and had issues. The issues sort of came out of nowhere but they were there.

[wistfulmemory.livejournal.com]

A picspam would take care of needing to use words to describe this movie. Yeah, coming in second in your first year wouldn't normally get you fired. And was the main girl doing the swimming routine by herself?

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

I would totally give you pictures but I am afraid of contaminating my computer by inserting this. THAT'S HOW BAD IT IS.

Main Girl was on her own. I was a bit sorry that all of these other girls didn't just appear and start swimming with her. That would have been awesome.

[wistfulmemory.livejournal.com]

We definitely don't want something bad happening to your computer because of this movie. Maybe you can find some screencaps on the internet...

That definitely would have been awesome. Too bad you weren't asked for advice on how to improve the movie.

[calixa.livejournal.com]

"I am afraid of contaminating my computer by inserting this."

I think I may need some coffee because it's 8am in the morning and I've been laughing and laughing maniacally at this forever.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

YOUR FILTHY FILTHY MIND. I AM SHOCKED. HORRIFIED. APPALLED.

(But, er, I did not even realise that I had written so kinkily of this...)