Bourne Supremacy

[lesbiassparrow]

I had to spend all day working (and still have stuff to do, pah!), but it has all been made magically better by watching Jason Bourne's thrilling, tragic manpain on the telly. Even though I have seen much manpain (a great deal of it of the screaming and shrieking variety thanks to kdrama) none gives me as much pleasure as Bourne's. It's so stoic and immobile and Matt Damon has presumably been told that if he smiles - even a bit - then bits of the world will fall right off, causing horrific death and destruction all because of HIM.

So. Good. I did this picspam a while ago to celebrate it.

WHY IS THERE NOT MORE FIC CELEBRATING HIS PAIN? I am very disappointed that so many of the fics are about him and Nicky and not more about him building his cabin in the Canadian wilds so he can spend the rest of his life thinking about Marie and his Tragic Loss.

ETA! How could I have forgotten to mention this, calixa's video ode to the Bourne Manpain:

calixa wrote comment fic on Jason Bourne's life in his cabin: Go. Read. And demand a sequel.

Comments

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

I, too,. was disappointed to learn that 9 out of 10 Bourne fics involve him getting over it and going go Nikki a week later...the other 1 had Marie miraculouly returning from the dead.

Do they not understand that he is destined to be angsty and alone for all eternity?

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Yes! He must brood and think about how Marie died while telling him to be a better person and then perhaps stick ashes in his hair for a bit.

[tinuvielberen.livejournal.com]

Hee!

I'd like to add - tragic manpain must result in Camera Instability. Srsly, I needed a Dramamine for that movie.

Drama-mine. Get it? Har!

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

The last one was clearly filled with the Camera Instability of Manpain. Absolutely everything was on shaky cam, even shots of people standing at desks. Plus more corridors than a Doctor Who episode.

[meyerlemon.livejournal.com]

See, I totally think that after the third one, that Nikki girl may have had Feelings for him, but come on! Bourne is going to go to his LAND in CANADA or ALASKA and build a cabin, and maybe after a few years he'll let himself have a dog, but no human companionship! CERTAINLY no women.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Yes! No more women. And I bet he only uses an axe to hew the trees for his cabin because he needs the work and the pain and he is doing it for his lost love. And every so often he will go into town and some woman may try to be nice to him but he'll be all silent because they are not THE GREAT LOVE.

Er, I probably have spent too long thinking about this.

[calixa.livejournal.com]

I'll write Bournepain fic for you and Megan... the most glorious Bournepain fic in the entire world!

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

How can I possibly expect any more from you after your amazing Bourne manpain video?

But I would so love you for ever if you wrong Bournepain fic.

[calixa.livejournal.com]

Life was simple for Jason Bourne now. He got labatts shipped to the cabin by the dozen and spent weekends out in the forest trying to connect with nature, watching beavers build dams, and helping baby birds get worms to eat. This made him feel not exactly better, but alive. In his solitude he became friends with the deer that sometimes wandered around his cabin in the early mornings. Jason named the friendliest, most graceful one Marie. The time he spent with Marie the deer was the happiest of his life - well, his life since... her.

The pain was almost too much to bear but Jason bore it manfully. His father had always taught him there was no point in bitching about life when it got bad - all you could do was take it like a man because no one would feel sorry for you. He remembered this even though he did not remember much else.

In spring, a random yellow bird took to waking him up every morning by chirping loudly outside his window at dawn. Jason resented the bird because it drove away the deer, including Marie, who also did not care for it's incessant yellow-y noise. Eventually he got accustomed to waking at the crack of dawn, and since he had nothing to do in the warm seasons - no need to collect firewood, no desire to go out in the midst of mating season which only reminded him of his solitary state - he started keeping a journal of the dreams he had. Then he wrote about his memories as they came to him. Then he found that the memories and dreams had become a kind of story and so he wrote a novel about a lonely spy who lost the love of his life. Then he sent the novel off to five or six publishing agents, but they all came back with a yellow rejection slip.

Jason got drunk that night in the woods and attempted to get a deer he thought was Marie to drink with him. He didn't remember this the next morning as he woke to the sound of shrill chirping above his head.

"Go away Nikki," he said to the bird, and rolled over to throw up.

***

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. God. That is the best fic ever written. Seriously, I wept when I thought of Marie (the woman *and* the deer) and the tragic loneliness of Jason's existence. But now he has hiz deer and it is strangely inappropriate luv. Yes.

[calixa.livejournal.com]

Yes, at least he has nature now. In part 2 there will be more manpain when CIA agents come to harrass Jason and he faces a new, devastating loss.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Noooooo! You're going to kill his deer! Not the deer! And I bet that fecking bird survives and follows him around. And tries to pretend it is as good as a deer.

[calixa.livejournal.com]

Jason is just fated to suffer loss and manpain for the rest of his life. And Nikki the bird only wishes she could be a deer.