Driven

Oct. 16th, 2009 10:04 pm
lesbiassparrow: (love is never wrong)
[personal profile] lesbiassparrow
Just when you think that you have seen the most magnificently, beautifully awful films that the world can produce, you find a new one: Driven. This remarkable film was penned by and starred in by... [drumroll please] Slyvester Stallone. He plays an old race car driver called up to the front once more so he can be the gnarled and wise presence and also probably win the cup or something because, after all, he wrote it. I would tell you about its great moments of WTF genius but I don't know where to start. For once, a film has managed to silence me. I have no words. No words at all. Language has not yet been created to capture the horrors of this film.

I have seen pretentious people say this about things of major cultural significance, so I shall imitate them: Go. Watch. Your life will never be the same again.

ETA: I do not know the world of motor racing, but I think that if in your first year out you were coming second in the championship, your team would not fire you even if you started making errors. Especially if you were at all photogenic.

ETA 2: I should mention one WTF moment: the one where the main girl does a synchronized swimming routine. For no apparent reason. Just because there's a pool and such.

Date: 2009-10-17 05:12 am (UTC)
morwen_peredhil: (sam how i've suffered - by  _wwsd_)
From: [personal profile] morwen_peredhil
It is indeed a film of sublime awfulness. (I watched for Til Schweiger.)

Date: 2009-10-17 05:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
Is he the morose German driver?

Date: 2009-10-17 05:16 am (UTC)
morwen_peredhil: (sam how i've suffered - by  _wwsd_)
From: [personal profile] morwen_peredhil
Yes. I kind of have a thing for morose Germans.

Date: 2009-10-17 06:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lage-nom-ai.livejournal.com
But... How was BURT REYNOLDS?

Date: 2009-10-17 11:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
He was in a wheelchair and had issues. The issues sort of came out of nowhere but they were there.

Date: 2009-10-17 08:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wistfulmemory.livejournal.com
A picspam would take care of needing to use words to describe this movie. Yeah, coming in second in your first year wouldn't normally get you fired. And was the main girl doing the swimming routine by herself?

Date: 2009-10-17 11:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
I would totally give you pictures but I am afraid of contaminating my computer by inserting this. THAT'S HOW BAD IT IS.

Main Girl was on her own. I was a bit sorry that all of these other girls didn't just appear and start swimming with her. That would have been awesome.

Date: 2009-10-18 05:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wistfulmemory.livejournal.com
We definitely don't want something bad happening to your computer because of this movie. Maybe you can find some screencaps on the internet...

That definitely would have been awesome. Too bad you weren't asked for advice on how to improve the movie.

Date: 2009-10-18 02:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] calixa.livejournal.com
"I am afraid of contaminating my computer by inserting this."

I think I may need some coffee because it's 8am in the morning and I've been laughing and laughing maniacally at this forever.

Date: 2009-10-19 04:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com
YOUR FILTHY FILTHY MIND. I AM SHOCKED. HORRIFIED. APPALLED.

(But, er, I did not even realise that I had written so kinkily of this...)

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