lesbiassparrow

So...yes, without Marguerite this is a thin and pale shadow of itself. Though there have been many disguises. So there's that. Though unaccountably he has not dressed up as an elderly woman yet. And there has been manwhoring! With Marguerite barely cold in her grave, too!

And the last episode has the most annoying heroine ever. Well, maybe she and The Girl from Transformers 3 would fight it out for people who I'd like to see shot into space. I think I am supposed to feel sympathy for her, but all I can think is that really the Pimpernel was not on his game when he saved her. She was born for the guillotine.

Apparently there are things that are too awful for even me: to wit, 21 Jump Street, the first season. 10 minutes into it and I just couldn't. That was an entirely new feelng, and not one I am sure that I like.

Hey! Season 2 of Lois and Clark has a guy who I think was an elf in some terrible film. Maybe the Dungeons and Dragons film. This is a total cornucopia of Hey! It's that guy! OMG, NEW POSSIBLY ELF GUY IS THE NEW JIMMY! WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THE OLD ONE????

ETA 1: No more Tracy Scoggins? And now someone whom I am pretty sure was on Dynasty? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS??????

ETA 2: They just got email. It's so cute! I mean, I remember when I first got email (hey, I remember DOS days too, for I am very old), but I don't think it was that cute.

ETA 3: Season two of L&C has no Lex Luthor. Or only one episode. This makes me very sad. Superman isn't Superman without Lex Luthor.

Every time I watch the Borgias, I keep thinking how much more fun the papacy would be if it were like that now. Maybe not with the murder and the wars all over Italy, but the mistresses! And making your sons cardinals! And having sexy performances in the Vatican! I look at Benedict and shake my head at how far the papacy has fallen.

I think that I may be the only person in the world who likes Ursula. I think I shall keep liking her just because the people on TWOP loathe her so much because she (according to them) looks like a horse and takes time away from Lucretia. ( cut for spoilers for the most recent episode )

Servillia is now evil and snogging Cassius. In front of Brutus. Who tried to send her off for olives to forestall this. Now Brutus is magically the Pontifex Maximus and looks about as delighted at this as he was at Cassius and his mum snogging.

ETA 1: IN THE DUNGEONS THEY CALL OCTAVIAN PLEASURE BOY. AND TO STOP HIM BEING KILLED TYRANNUS MUST CLAIM HIM AS HIS PROPERTY. A billion fanficcers heads just exploded. And Octavian is tending him with care after he suffered so Octavian would not be killed. It's like every slash fantasy right on the screen.

ETA 2: Octavian may have to betray Tyrannus. Nooooo! Don't do it!

Seriously, people, THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER. IT HAS TOTALLY CHANGED MY VIEW OF ROME.

ETA 3: It saddens me to report that no one wears togas properly in any of these things. ONLY A BARBARIAN WOULD USE A PIN TO KEEP A TOGA TOGETHER. NEXT THING YOU KNOW THEY'LL BE WEARING THOSE NEW SILK, SEE-THROUGH TOGAS. LIKE PLEASURE BOYS.

ETA 4: Well General Magonius didn't last long. Now he is dead like a dead thing and Octavian (sweet-smelling boy that he is) is sad. Though a hideous guard has taken to calling him little flower. So...that's nice, right? Everyone likes flowers? (Except for Octavian who just bashed his head in with a rock.)

ETA 5. RIGHT IN THE DUNGEONS OF COMBAT TYRANNUS JUST DID HIS SIGNATURE SWORD SWISHING MOVEMENT. AND NOW THERE IS A SLAVE RIOT. Can someone standing up and saying "I'm Spartacus" be far behind? WORDS ALONE CANNOT EXPRSS WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SHOW THIS IS. I loves it, I do. It is my precious.

ETA 6. Because Cassius is evil he has hired master assassins from overseas to kill Octavian (they come with a lot of animal skins and giant teeth hanging around their necks). What an underhanded wanker. Also the omens are bad according to the voiceover. You think?

ETA 7. In my fantasy casting Fiona Shaw is Fulvia. YES, YOU HEARD ME. FIONA SHAW IS FULVIA. Oh, and so you don't lose track of Octavian's fragrant life, he's now having a bath with Antony.

ETA 8: Well I had hopes that this party would turn into an orgy, but I was lied to. They tossed some women dressed in fruit at me and then backed down. OMG FULVIA HAS JUST SAID "I ALWAYS LEAVE BEFORE THE ORGY." Words to live by.

ETA 9: Because I believe these posts should be educational, I shall share with you this titbit of knowledge: the later (very briefly) emperor Otho shared his wife and his secret of perfuming his feet with Nero. No word on which Nero enjoyed more. THE MORE YOU KNOW. And a request to the icon makers on my flist: can someone make me an icon of an angry chicken with the words "never mess with the sacred chickens" on it? I feel having such an icon would make my life better. And possibly the universe. Because sacred chickens are awesome. Just awesome. THEY MAY BE CHICKENS BUT THEY HAVE A DIRECT LINE TO THE GODS. YOU MESS WITH THEM AT YOUR PERIL.

ETA 10: Finally we have achieved an orgy. And Antony is looking shifty. YOu shouldn't have signed away stuff to him in the event of your death, Octavian. And sent off Tyrannus. You've really only got yourself to blame.

ETA 11. SEE? THERE'S BEEN A MASSACRE BY MEANS OF SNAKES. 40 ROMANS DEAD. ALL THE CAESARIANS. Antony is pretty happy, though. You know what the worst of it is, though? OCTAVIAN WAS WEARING LONG JOHNS. WHAT RESPECTABLE ROMAN WEARS LONG JOHNS?

This looks good. The corrupted Senate created gladiatorial shows to distract the people from how awesome Caesar was. I have been promised that somehow this brought down the Republic.

IT IS THE AGE OF THE GLADIATOR. And Octavian is french-kissing some girl. That seems more like him in his youth. BTW, did you know they had refs in gladiatorial shows? They did. It would have stopped the shenanigans in this one where someone attacked before the other was ready. And then somehow mysteriously waited for him to draw his swords. CAESAR IS UPSET ABOUT SUCH THINGS. AND PEOPLE GANGING UP ON GLADIATORS.

ETA: Gladiator who triumphed was not celebrated until he had twirled his swords in some awesome show of something or other. Then they cheered. (I think people often have the wrong idea aobut such shows. People wanted skill not just butchery - they got that at other parts of the games. Where they were just going for blood and guts were the executions of condemned prisoners (which were on in the afternoon break.) Famous gladiators were bloody expensive and you didn't just want them butchered.

ETA 1: Tyrannus the Gladiator has just come upon the (nearly) dead Caesar who has told him to look after Octavian. WHO WILL SAVE ROME. He must teach him how to fight! And rule!

ETA 2: Just so you know that the senate is EVIL they have hired someone named RAPAX. RAPAX. I am not sure that Caesar hiring a Tyrannus is any better, but apparently it is. Now the Senate is going off to kill Caesar's family. INCLUDING THE WIMMIN. NOT THE WIMMIN! I EXPECT TO SEE CICERO KICKING SMALL CHILDREN IN THE FACE SOON.

ETA 3: No! Cicero is the voice of reason for a second! Also although Tyrannus is a slave he a) lives in his own home and b) has a wife and kiddie (also slaves) whom he can send off to Cyprus. Pretty flexible master he has.

ETA 4: Voiceover announces that the trials of Octavian have begun. And he rides off to the music from Born Free. And now the EVIL SENATORS are meeting in...the Senate Crypt. And being evil and stuff. Really evil.

ETA 5: Booorn Freeee. Freee as the wind. And so forth. The senate BECAUSE IT IS EVIL is killing Caesarians. And burning down towns. DO YOU KNOW THEY ARE EVIL? We also get to see the total breakdown of law and order with people OVERTURNING CARTS. NOT CARTS, YOU SAY. YES. A ROMAN CAN'T EVEN PROTECT HIS CARTS.

ETA 6: They have tossed Caesar's sister into a cage. A CAGE. It's a total breakdown of all the values that make Rome great. They'll be breaking into the Temple of Vesta soon. AND OCTAVIAN HAS BEEN BETRAYED BY THE GIRL HE LOVES. AND IS ABOUT TO GET LUCKY. OR UNLUCKY, IF YOU COUNT HER SENDING FOR SOLDIERS TO KILL HIM.

ETA 7: OCTAVIAN IS WEARING TROUSERS! See how evil the Senate is? They forced him to wear trousers as he fled! No Roman should have to endure such things.

ETA 8. Sorry. BUT THIS GOOD STUFF. Cicero is a Caesarian. And smuggling his will into the temple of Vesta. And I think Cassius is about to do something else evil. BECAUSE HE'S AN EVIL SENATOR.

I was raised on these and I am sad that they are no longer really made - I love the idea of having something be a complete story told over a few weeks. Mainly this is because I have the attention span of a cat with ADD. Yesterday I bought Masada, an epic tale of Romans being Romans* and a bunch of people in a mountain fortress who, despite having a wealth of experience with the Romans, seem to believe that if they defeat this particular bunch then all will be okay and they can go back to living their lives. That's the triumph of hope over experience. IT'S GOING TO BE EPIC.

ETA; Also, does anyone remember that endless mini-series Amerika, about the Russians conquering America because the Americans had apparently forgotten how to be patriotic?


*Which is to say: conquering people and then being annoyed they can't see the benefits of being ruled by Rome. And killing a few of them to make a point. And then killing a lot more to make the same point, because you can't be too careful

BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG.

This will probably not mean anything unless you have ever watched TG4, the Irish language channel, but I adore Paisean Faisean (Fashion Passion) with an unholy love. When I am home and it's on I always insist on watching it. I find the interviews with the lads hilarious as their horrific ideas about what women want to wear are revealed. And the gormless men they put on! THEY ARE AMAZING AND MAKE ME FEAR FOR THE FUTURE OF IRISH MANHOOD ON A FREQUENT BASIS. I embed a video from Youtube so you can enjoy it for yourselves.



(Someone once told me they were going to cancel this. I might have cried)

ETA: In other news, I am watching Teenage Cics on TG4's streaming video. The one where the lads 'kill' the statue of the Virgin Mary is hilarious and a wee bit sad.

I just got season 1 one of this and it is quite awesomely, epically bad. THERE IS AN AMAZING AMOUNT OF LEAPING AND SHRIEKING AND IMPROBABLE SWORDFIGHTING.

ALSO GABRIELLE MUST LOSE HER BLOOD INNOCENCE AND BECOME THE BRIDE OF MORPHEUS. IT'S QUITE WONDERFUL.

ETA: There is an astonishing and wonderful amount of bad hair. Such lovely, lovely bad hair. Also I am pretty sure someone just said 'my son died in childbirth.' Which is quite a feat really.

ETA 2: XENA AND GABRIELLE HAVE FOUND A BABY. IF HIJINKS DON'T ENSUE I WILL BE DISAPPOINTED.

ETA 3: And this is completely offtopic, but if you ever want to watch the most depressing film ever, you should all watch Kings, an Irish language film that manages to make most Russian novels look cheery.

I just watched this offering by CBC and it was one of those compellingly awful things that one feels an almost instant desire to rewatch (or maybe that's just me?). My favourite bits were the parts where everyone thought that Judah was the Roman Admiral's catamite, though Admiral was 'no, we're just companions.' because that will set everyone's mind at rest, Mr. Admiral Guy.

It also had Lana from Smallville in it, but she didn't have much to do except get stuck in jail and have miraculously cured leprosy. She did that bit as well as one could.

ETA: Also, forgot to say that there was quite a bit of excellent man-painy screaming and wailing to the heavens, if you like that sort of thing. And if you don't like that sort of thing, then I feel deep sorrow for you.

ETA 2: To date, bits of Ben Hur I have rewatched: all scenes between admiral and Ben Hur. Ben Hur's shrieking manpain outside his abandoned house. Athena telling Ben Hur in bed that this is not a sprint. Actually, all the Athena scenes as well.

ETA 3: Things to say while floating on a bit of wood in the Mediterranean:

Admiral: "Maybe I ordered you unchained because I liked the way you ate grapes."
Judah: WTF?*
Admiral: "Oh yeah, and if that's a Roman ship you've just seen you can come and be my body servant."
Judah: Kinda hoping it's pirates.*

Judah replies not actual part of script. But should have been.

ETA 4: "He's no gladiator, he's my body-servant." <---- ACTUAL LINE IN SCRIPT. I want this on an icon of Ben 'we're just companions' Hur

ETA 5: Every moment that passes is a moment where I reflect on the tragic fact that none of you has probably seen the awesomeness that is this version of Ben Hur. I wish the raft scene was on Youtube so I could show you how amazing it was. A THING OF BEAUTY. THE PEOPLE IN THIS SHOULD FIGHT THE PEOPLE FROM CLASH OF THE TITANS AND THEN THE WINNERS COULD RIDE OFF ON GIANT SCORPIONS. (I must say that I do find it a bit creepy that the message Ben Hur + Esther apparently got from all the crucifixion of Jesus was 'let's snog.' But then I suppose that's better than 'let's go out and kill people.'

So I have started watching this offering from BBC; have seen chunks of season one and a bunch of season 2 episodes. It is quite enjoyable, despite dodgy CGI and complete lack of scenery chewing by Uther. He needs to stomp more. Morgana also does not seem to do very much, though she stands rather well at windows. This was probably an essential skill in ye olden tymes as there was not much else to do except try and avoid washing and grub around the mud. And as a princess you probably don't have to grub in the mud. However, I do hope there are more episodes where she does the becoming evil/misunderstood thing.

My favourite character is Gwen and her awesome self. She is exactly what I would have wanted to be as a kid. Well, in honesty I would have preferred to be more princessy and possibly had a pony, but given that she does get to be queen eventually I imagine that's coming.

The HILARIOUS thing is reading fandom reactions to season 2 shifting to her and Arthur. The shrieks over the turn towards the relationship and it apparently breaking up the true love of Arthur and Merlin are fairly entertaining. It's Arthurian legend! What did you expect was going to happen? It's not like that's an obscure part of the story.

ETA: And because almost all the fic out there (DON'T LAUGH AT ME. MY LIFE IS VERY STRESSFUL) is about the epic manlove of Arthur and Merlin,* I am delighted that at the Help_haiti fandom auction I bid and won on someone to write fic for me based around Gwen.

*I don't mind this. What I do mind is that Gwen and Morgana might as well not exist apparently in many people's minds. Or people feel the need to write things that insist Arthur is only with (the clearly inferior) Gwen because he cannot have his wizard love. It just seems like such a lazy way to write when people do this to get rid of a canonical relationship. It's like the ones where people kill off the OTP on the show in two lines and then have the other person bounce back in weeks to discover they never loved that person at all.