lesbiassparrow

1. Fiction where Catherine of Aragon and Thomas More run off to the colonies and have babies and are all decent and dignified together. Of course, you'd have to kill off all of More's family or make him single, but it's a small price to pay for both of them having a happy ending. I AM NOT KIDDING ABOUT THIS.

2. The next episode of Mawang to be subtitled. I need to find out what is happening next and as I know not a word of Korean my mad speculations about unsubtitled episodes are based on nothing other than 'hey, look at the pretty people angst.'

3. School to be over. 4 more teaching days is 4 too many.

4. Wretched article to be finished. This is the only thing I can actually do anything about, so, of course, I am dithering about it as it's in those final stages where you know you need to fix things but when you fix one thing it means that other transitions don't work and other things don't fit.

ETA: Why is all The Tudors fic (please don't judge me for looking!) about boring old Henry and various tedious twits of the court and none of it about Catherine? Or Thomas More? THE INTERNET HAS FAILED ME. WOES!

While the Tudors has some very pretty people I think it is still rather a terrible show. Mainly because it has managed to make the relationship of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn exceedingly boring and really irritating. They are about the most annoying people ever and I suspect the rest of the court spent a great deal of their time rolling their eyes if they were like this. I know there's a good P.G Wodehouse quote about how annoying they probably were as lovers, but I cannot find it at the moment.

Also the show has bad Latin. Terrible Latin of the sort that a first year Latin student could catch.

But still, I bring you a poll behind the cut. And you don't even need to have seen the show to vote.

( Thrilling poll behind here! )

The Tudors:
1. In the 16th century no one cared about the virginity of well born maidens. In fact, they positively encouraged them to lose it as soon as possible. No one was ever annoyed at finding their bride had been devirginized by someone else. This includes the King of Portugal because he was so desperate for it.
2. Sex in the 16th century lasted about 30 seconds. Despite this women always had an orgasm because the men were that manly.
3. 90% of Henry VIII's life was spent having sex. The rest was spent jousting or showing off to random courtiers or visiting royalty. Despite this he was somehow a great king.

Rome:
1. If someone walked in on you having sex with someone on the kitchen table, you didn't stop what you were doing for this was considered perfectly normal behaviour in Ye Ancient Times.
2. Cleopatra didn't really believe in clothes unless they were clingy see through numbers. She also wore mops on her head and an IQ of about 80 due to all the drugs she had taken as a teenager. Don't do drugs, children!
3. The Republic was destroyed by wimmin and their lusts.
4. 90% of everyone's time, except Augustus, was spent having sex. Loud sex. This was clearly the secret of Augustus' success: he was the only person who was not perpetually exhausted from doing it all the time.
5. Slaves always loved their masters and mistresses and never had any resentment at all. In fact, the best way to make them like you is to be as horrible as possible to them as often as you can.

300
1. Fighting in nothing but leather underwear is the surest path to military success against overwhelming numbers
2. Eastern kings go nowhere without their harem of freaks and their killer rhinos. And will helpfully send elephants careening up narrow mountain paths where they can do very little harm.
3. Gollum: you always have to look out for that little bastard in every film.
4. Freedom is best served by a eugenics programme. And lots of shouting.