Send Help Please!
Nov. 28th, 2007 10:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lesbiassparrowI feel a bit horrified to admit this (and yet I will admit it, because apparently I have no SHAME): I have been reading cracktastic novels with vampires in them. I don't even really find vampires that sexy but apparently I will still read about them. It all goes back to Stairway to Heaven; I think it broke my brain what with its amnesiac heroine who got cancer from a car crash caused by her evil step-sister trying to kill her and who was, to top it off, hotly pursued by her stepbrother. And they made her blind at one point. Good times.
But back to the vampires. Based on![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
meganbmoore's celebration of its cracktasticness and a friend in RL burbling on about it when I described the cover and then falling into that awful silence that says clearly 'I have admitted far too much about the crap I read,' I decided to give Lover Eternal a go. It has a guy who is cursed with an 8 foot dragon that pops out of him! A lusty band of sort of brother vampires who go around being hyper manly! And other things that deserve exclamation points!
So. As I haven't read a romance in years the amazing amount of sex that people had was a bit shocking. Plus there was also the fact that AN 8 FOOT DRAGON BURSTS OUT OF THE HERO AT REGULAR INTERVALS. However, I have to admire the writer who clearly thought 'Fuck it. I'm writing about vampires and the women they love, so why even bother holding back? It's not like I'm ever going to win any prizes or anything' and just went so far overboard that you couldn't get her back with a lifebelt attached to a 100 ft rope. Anyway, there were vampires, some woman named Mary who had cancer and the vampire that falls for her. Plus a bunch of stuff involving curses, a whacked out goddess called the Scribe Virgin (!) who ruled over this uber-macho society and who should be probably thunked on the head a lot. And a good time was had by all but not perhaps enough to make me want to read the rest.
I also, thanks to some nifty insomnia, read the first two Blood Ties books.
It rather cemented my opinion of Henry from the TV show. He's not dreadful or anything but I find him a bit annoying and boring. I think it's all the flashbacks about his life in ye olden tymes when he was the bastard son of Henry the VIII, etc, which just interrupt the story too much. What is it with vampires and flashbacks? Do they spend all their waking hours brooding over historical events they have been involved in and thinking about dead lovers? It's not that interesting especially if you are following a story in the present to which they are not connected at all. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT LOVER YOU INEVITABLY LOST TO THE INQUISITION.* I enjoyed the books rather in spite of Henry, Mr. Royal Vampire, than because of him.
But I finally put my finger on what I don't really like about vampire stories/romances: it's the whole way they are always these figures who automatically exert huge magnetic authority on people around them. In Henry's case, he's not (to me) that interesting or written well enough that I want to buy that he merely looks at mortals and they are overpowered by him. And it's also a huge problem in romance narratives. Of course, in these the heroine sees her vampire-partner-to-be and no matter what she is immediately drawn to him even when any sane person would run screaming for the exit. I spend an inordinate amount of time wondering if the feeling is real or just vampire mo-jo that would wear off if you spent enough time away from the person. In any case it doesn't feel like a real emotion, more like an extended case of hypnosis, which, when you think about it is sort of creepy.
*Every vampire apparently has one of these.
But back to the vampires. Based on
meganbmoore's celebration of its cracktasticness and a friend in RL burbling on about it when I described the cover and then falling into that awful silence that says clearly 'I have admitted far too much about the crap I read,' I decided to give Lover Eternal a go. It has a guy who is cursed with an 8 foot dragon that pops out of him! A lusty band of sort of brother vampires who go around being hyper manly! And other things that deserve exclamation points!So. As I haven't read a romance in years the amazing amount of sex that people had was a bit shocking. Plus there was also the fact that AN 8 FOOT DRAGON BURSTS OUT OF THE HERO AT REGULAR INTERVALS. However, I have to admire the writer who clearly thought 'Fuck it. I'm writing about vampires and the women they love, so why even bother holding back? It's not like I'm ever going to win any prizes or anything' and just went so far overboard that you couldn't get her back with a lifebelt attached to a 100 ft rope. Anyway, there were vampires, some woman named Mary who had cancer and the vampire that falls for her. Plus a bunch of stuff involving curses, a whacked out goddess called the Scribe Virgin (!) who ruled over this uber-macho society and who should be probably thunked on the head a lot. And a good time was had by all but not perhaps enough to make me want to read the rest.
I also, thanks to some nifty insomnia, read the first two Blood Ties books.
It rather cemented my opinion of Henry from the TV show. He's not dreadful or anything but I find him a bit annoying and boring. I think it's all the flashbacks about his life in ye olden tymes when he was the bastard son of Henry the VIII, etc, which just interrupt the story too much. What is it with vampires and flashbacks? Do they spend all their waking hours brooding over historical events they have been involved in and thinking about dead lovers? It's not that interesting especially if you are following a story in the present to which they are not connected at all. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT LOVER YOU INEVITABLY LOST TO THE INQUISITION.* I enjoyed the books rather in spite of Henry, Mr. Royal Vampire, than because of him.
But I finally put my finger on what I don't really like about vampire stories/romances: it's the whole way they are always these figures who automatically exert huge magnetic authority on people around them. In Henry's case, he's not (to me) that interesting or written well enough that I want to buy that he merely looks at mortals and they are overpowered by him. And it's also a huge problem in romance narratives. Of course, in these the heroine sees her vampire-partner-to-be and no matter what she is immediately drawn to him even when any sane person would run screaming for the exit. I spend an inordinate amount of time wondering if the feeling is real or just vampire mo-jo that would wear off if you spent enough time away from the person. In any case it doesn't feel like a real emotion, more like an extended case of hypnosis, which, when you think about it is sort of creepy.
*Every vampire apparently has one of these.
