The Art of Cassie Edwards' Novels

[lesbiassparrow]

Sometimes great books find great artists to illustrate them. Sometimes they have to do with inferior artwork. And sometimes terrible books get the art they deserve. Behold! I bring you the artwork of Cassie Edwards' ouevre. Plus my guesses at what the actual books are about.

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In this touching tale of the old west the heroine swoons because the hero has a bigger chest than her. 'Don't worry!,' He tells her, 'it's amazing how much bustier you can look with implants and thrusting your nipples forward at everyone!'




He knows their love is wrong, he knows that society will never accept them - but still it grows lonely in the mountains and he has no clothes to keep him warm and, honestly, if loving this cougar is wrong he doesn't want to be right.


Based on conversations with cbackson the hero is either churning butter or probing the heroine with his "throbbing hardness" (actual quote from Edwards). I am opting for this being a novel about the hero's tragic struggle to learn how to do both at the same time. In a canoe.


This one was easy! It's Rambo killing things. I don't know why it's in the romance section, though. Maybe he kills for love?


Another moving story. This time it's about the guilt of a man who loved to pose half naked in the moonlight so much he didn't notice his girlfriend was about to sink in her canoe. What he doesn't know is that she actually committed suicide because she couldn't stand his mullet anymore


Finally we find out what happened to that emo vampire Tohrment from JR Ward's paranormal romances.


Fun and whacky hijinks occur on a pirate ship when the crew glue their captain to the ropes, tear his shirt off and let Lusty Sally, Terror of the Spanish Main, have her way with him.


This one's really clever. You think the guy on the cover is the hero but it turns out he's not; but the hero has been enchanted so he looks like a gun. The heroine only discovers this when she holds it to her heaving bosom as she defends her honour from the plague of half-naked men that besets her town.


I have no idea what this is about. But that's one surprised looking guy right there. For some reason he reminds me of a startled vicar being told that his wife has run off with the local brewer. If a startled vicar liked to pin adornments on his crotch.



Also you should all go to meganbmoore's journal and read the moving story of
Mighty Wang and Busty Girl as retold by her from a Cassie Edwards' novel.

Comments

[cbackson.livejournal.com]

Lusty Sally, Terror of the Spanish Main

AHAHAHAHA.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Doesn't he look very much not keen about being ravaged by her?

[calixa.livejournal.com]

*a bit scared*

That last one is really cracking me up, though.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

I hope that's not his sexy expression because if it is he needs to work on it.

[raincitygirl.livejournal.com]

Sporfle! And yeah, total vicarly befuddlement on that last one. I'm disappointed that you didn't mention the "yeah, whatevs" look on the face of the improbably sculpted white guy holding the musket. If anybody has ever looked less interested in being on a romance cover, that'd be something to see.

Who signs off on this "art", anyway? How the hell does stuff like the startled vicar get past the art department? Wait, never mind, given the content between the covers, I'm assuming that a similar attitude about the covers was taken by the publishers.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

I like the way that all the of the men on these look like they are absolutely not interested in lusty, busty women even when they're draped over them.

[raincitygirl.livejournal.com]

They're probably in too much pain from their recent chest waxings to take an interest in such things. Either that, or they're gay.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Possibly both of these are true.

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

more talent is exhibited in your guessing than in the entirety of her books.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Given what you've posted about her I am strangely unflattered by this.

[lage-nom-ai.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHA

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

There were more but my brain rebelled.

[morwen_peredhil]

That's a whole lot of mantitty there. Yes, indeedy.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Males breasts appear to be a big fixation of her artistes.

[jengrrrl.livejournal.com]

OMG *DIES*

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

The writing is even worse.

[oxymoron67.livejournal.com]

Why so many mullets? Do women secretly long for hairless, possibly steroid-enhanced men with mullets? And is the guy churing butter in a canoe caught in a windstorm or something?

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

He's actually trying to find his mirror, which fell overboard while he was bailing out the tipped canoe. He can't live without his mirror, you know.

[alexandral.livejournal.com]

HEEEEEEEEEEEE! but what is "Romantic Times"???

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

I think it's their trade publication? Or perhaps it tells you how to have romantic times by reading Cassie Edwards and enthralling your partner?

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

(here via particle_person's link - are you on SF? I feel like you are. Anyway, I have friended you. Hope that's ok. :)

The guy on the Savage Arrow cover looks eerily like Tom Cruise.
Maybe that's what Cruise wears when he goes out looking for people to save from car crashes via Scientology.

I have to admit, the first thing I thought about the cover of Savage Torment was...well, it was about the man and the stallion, if you get my drift.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

I am on SF, though I don't post there much. Friend away! :)

I also thought that about Savage Torment and I did wonder if like Savage Hope it was about a Forbidden Love between man and beast. Who knows what happens out there in the lonely plains at night...

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

Cassie Edwards knows!

Also the ferrets.

[aikakone.livejournal.com]

The Running Fox one got me because it's a Cassie Edwards Indian book without the word "Savage" in the title. The true surprise!

And I kid you not... when I was a junior high kid in the mid/late 80s reading all the bodice rippers, I didn't get that Fabio was the same guy on all the covers. Never did click until I was much older.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

I read some dreadful stuff as a teenager too, though not really romances - more those dreadful family sagas which go on about generations of people being all tortured and ruled by evil patriarchs. Many of them seemed to be set in Russia just so they could rip off Doctor Zhivago and include the Russian Revolution.

Cassie Edwards

[cookiesworld17.livejournal.com]

I laughed so hard I cried, which set off a coughing spasm and now I'll be up all night hoping an asthma attack is not immanent. I can't remember the last time I laughed like that. Thanks! I'm off to get my inhaler now.

Re: Cassie Edwards

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

However did you work amongst these titles for so long? They make that one about the secret agent minister look tame.

[ide-cyan.livejournal.com]

Re: Enchanted Enemy...

Wait, wait, wait: is that Michael Biehn?!

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

I believe you might be right! It might explain his complete lack of enthusiasm for being caught in the romance novel glare.