lesbiassparrow

I am very grumpy this evening despite my team winning at the hockey (when that cannot cheer me up I must be extra grumpy). I think it has something to do with my mad insomnia which means I am currently getting
about four hours sleep a night. Not even copious consumption of gin and tonic (the cure that fixes all that hot whiskies cannot) is solving this problem. And there seems to be much grumpiness on LJ when I look at it, which is not improving the mood.

So I decided to cheer myself up by posting about Father Ted, which is my all time favourite comedy show ever. The plot is simple: three priests stuck together on Craggy Island, led by Ted, exiled there for doing something dodgy with money destined for Lourdes. The other two are Father Dougal, who may have joined the priesthood by collecting crisp packets, and Father Jack, who likes to imbibe toilet duck when there is no alcohol available.

Sample quotations:

Polly Clarke: My husband. Now there was a man who really was afraid of Virginia Woolf.
Father Ted: Why? Was she... following him or something?

And now on BBC1: Jurassic Park. The Director's Cut. With extra dinosaurs.

Father Dougal: It's nice to have a nun around. Gives the place a bit of glamour.

Father Ted: What was it he used to say about the needy? He had a term for them...
Father Dougal: A shower of bastards.

Father Dougal: It's like a big tide of jam coming toward us, but jam made out of old women.

This is the bunch of them. Aren't they a wonderful advertisement for the church?

This is Ted. Trying hard to look holy and not think about fiddling with money that does not belong to him.
He may be saying "It's fabulous being a priest - think of all that comfort you bring to the sick and
dying. They love it, they can't get enough of it!"

Here is Tom, one of the inhabitants of Craggy Island. He killed someone and likes to talk about it and terrify visiting TV crews.
I suspect he may be the mastermind behind the tunnel of goats at Craggy Island's funfair.

"Tom: Father! I've killed a man.
Father Ted: Er, well, we'll talk about that later, Tom. Right now, I'm going to be on the telly!"

Occassionally Father Jack passes out from the over indulgence in toilet cleaners and is left for dead, but then he comes back to life.
This is him "risen from the dead like that fella...ET"

Ted is here is trying to reason with Jack about not doing that sort of thing again.
Jack is probably saying "Drink! Feck! Arse! Girls!"
which all he can say apart from "that would be an ecumenical matter."
(This handy phrase is something I use myself from time to time.)

Sometimes Ted makes the mistake of telling Dougal scary stories which is not a difficult task.
This is awkward because then Dougal tries to share his bed.

"Father Ted: It's not as if everyone's going to go off and join some mad religious cult just
because we go off for a picnic for a couple of hours.
Father Dougal: God, Ted, I heard about those cults.
Everyone dressing in black and saying our Lord's gonna come back and judge us all!
Father Ted: No... No, Dougal, that's us. That's Catholicism."

Ted's arch nemisis, Father Dick Byrne (as Ted says "As priests go... he's a really bad priest".)
Sometimes him and Ted have bets together for as much as five quid.

The competition really heats up when Ted and Dougal enter the Eurovision song contest, with their song
'My Lovely Horse." (lyrics below)
This is the very lovely horse which Dougal and Ted use in their video.

Lyrics:
My lovely horse, running through the field
Where are you going, with your fetlocks blowing in the wind?
I want to shower you with sugar lumps, and ride you over fences
Polish your hooves every single day, and bring you to the horse dentist
My lovely horse, you’re a pony no more
Running around with a man on your back, like a train in the night...

Evil Father Fintan Stack who, according to Ted, is worse than Hitler.

Father Fintan Stack: I want to listen to some music.
Father Ted: Oh, that's fine, you go ahead there.
Father Fintan Stack: I wasn't asking for permission

Occasionally as part of the price of being under the tyranny of Bishop Brennan Ted and Dougal have to protest films, like the 'Passion of St Tibulus."
Unfortunately this results in the film being the most successful in Craggy Island History.
Also Dougal sees a naked saint.

Ted taking revenge. Actually he lost a bet with Father Byrne and has to kick Bishop Brenan up the arse.
He lures him to lean down by convincing him Jesus has appeared on the skirting board.