Too Stupid to Live: Reality TV for the Historically Thick

[lesbiassparrow]

jonquil suggested that Marie Antoinette and Mary, Queen of Scots would top her list of 'too stupid to live' of candidates for a reality TV show for the historically moronic.

And because I have no original thoughts of my own, I thought I'd rip her off be inspired by her genius and list some potential candidates for this, the reality show to end all reality shows.  I know there are many more but my brain has curled up in a corner to die for a bit and refuses to be useful.

1. Marie Antoinette.  I don't think I really need to expand on this one.

2. Mary Queen of Scots.  For the Darnley episode alone followed closely by the insane stupidity of her marriage to Bothwell. I am always suprised that she did not come out with a plan to dance through her kingdom with a big sign saying 'I don't like Scotland!  I have no idea what I am doing!  Get rid of me please!'

3. Richard the Lionhearted.  It's impressive isn't it - bleeding a country dry for pointless campaigns in the Holy Land and still coming across as the good guy? This is the magic of PR.  I am actually not sure if he counts as absolutely stupid or as a complete wanker obsessed by waging war. But I still nominate him.

4. Scott of the Antartic.  Leader of not just a doomed expedition but one doomed by planning that looks like it was done on copious amounts of crack.  Also I am particularly fond of the fact that they used biscuit tins to keep the bit of their hut where the men lived from the bit where the officers lived in.  Because you wouldn't want to die without maintaining proper protocol.

Suggestions for other candidates?  They'd probably all kill each other or die of starvation in a week especially as they would have no servants, minions, court jesters, or courtiers.

ETA: some suggestions received: Nicholas II and Alexandria; Charles I & II and Warren G. Harding.  And now Catherine Howard.  Just think how good a reality show this would be!  The frocks alone would be worth tuning in for. Plus the outbreaks of violence.

It's rather depressing how many of these people have romantic reputations and lots of glossy films about how tragic and noble they were. 

Comments

[calapine.livejournal.com]

::vaguely defends Mary, Queen of Scots in some sort of patriotic act::

Um, her Mum did a pretty good job of ruling the country when Mary got shipped of to France?

Personally charming but politically naive?

...um...

Yes.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Well, she did give birth to James who went on rule the English. So I'd guess on a patriotic front she'd get points for that.

I had a childish biography of her that painted her in glowing, tragic colours. And then I studied her in history and all my illusions were shattered.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Nicholas II? Useless and weak and autocratic at the same time.

Charles II. And I like the Cavaliers.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Oh, could I have forgotten Nicholas II. Yes.

And Charles I was even more clueless than the second one, who at least knew how to have fun. And mistresses.

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

Charles II was smart enough to stay away from the axe. "My words are my own, while my deeds are my ministers'."

NicholasanAlexandra are excellent, excellent candidates. Folie a deux much?

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

NicholasanAlexandra are excellent, excellent candidates.

I always suspected that they were the reincarnation of Marie Antoinette and Louis.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

You know, now that you put it this way, the reincarnation makes sense!

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

And yet they went ahead and made the same mistakes again. That's this pair for you: dumb in every reincarnation.

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

Scott of the Antarctic was both incompetent and evil. As I recall, he made it clear to Mr. "I'm just going out; I shall be some time" that his heroic suicide was the expected thing.

Warren G. Harding was amazingly stupid, although it didn't come out until he was dead.

Why *did* Richard get all the good P.R., anyway? I know not.

Let us not forget, in the list of Mary's stupidities, that she insisted on taking asylum in England instead of France, because she was confident that a cousin Queen wouldn't do anything to her. Yeah, right. It takes real effort to grow up at a Valois court and be that politically ignorant.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

I think Richard paid off the troubadours. Also mum was pretty good at that sort of thing. And there is a great taste for romantic idiots out there. This also explains Scott's popularity.

Let us not forget, in the list of Mary's stupidities, that she insisted on taking asylum in England instead of France, because she was confident that a cousin Queen wouldn't do anything to her.

Especially after she had laid claim to her throne and said she was illegitimate. That always makes queens love you.

[sucrelefey.livejournal.com]

Mary of Scots certainly didn't learn a thing from her first mother-in-law Cathrine. You would think some of that would rub off.
Some of the pharaohs(names escape me) were not all that bright.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Mary's ability to learn from nothing - not even her worst mistakes - is one of the truly infuriating things about her.

[sucrelefey.livejournal.com]

Every thing I read on her from whitewash to rip&tear goes on and on about how her peers, kept saying to each other and to her how special she was, on top of the constant praise for her beauty and grace yadayada perfect fluff princess. Me thinks she had an exagerated sense of self worth.

[morwen_peredhil]

I nominate the idiotic Catherine Howard, for marrying Henry VIII — who had executed her cousin Anne Boleyn on trumped-up adultery charges — then actually cheating on him.

[queenofthorns.livejournal.com]

She probably didn't have much choice about the marriage, but yes, the cheating part was really stupid.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Yes, not so smart with the cheating on Henry VIII. I just mirrored your comment below...hive mind? :-)

[morwen_peredhil]

Yes, I agree she didn't have much choice once Henry decided he wanted her.

It makes sense that she didn't mention her premarital unchastity, but the adultery was so monumentally stupid that it seriously makes me wonder if she might have been mentally handicapped.

[sucrelefey.livejournal.com]

Some defenders(not me) would suggest she was encouraged to adultery in response to the King being impotent. Get her pregnant and then make it look like the king's.

[morwen_peredhil]

She was so indiscreet that I can't buy that. I'm sticking with too stupid to live. :)

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

I do believe the rationale that it was the coverup that actually got her -- once her ex-lover started blackmailing her, she HAD to become pregnant in order to have some hold over the King. And the King wasn't much help on that front...

Poor silly ill-advised (literally) bint.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Yes. This is a good one. The cheating bit is especially stupid.

[queenofthorns.livejournal.com]

Kaiser Wilhelm II, who ignored Bismarck's very sage advice about not getting involved in any Balkans-related wars!!

Francois I of France - great patron of the arts; extremely bad soldier, who got a spanking at Pavia from Charles V and whose ransom cost France dearly.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

I'll have to take your word on Francois I, but Kaiser Wilhelm, he was a big bag of stupid.

[sucrelefey.livejournal.com]

The husband nominates Archduke Franz Ferdinand.

Amenhotep IV aka Akhenaten, I think religous revolution without the priests is a good idea.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Archduke Franz Ferdinand.

Good one. Also Akhenaten, because thinking you can totally get rid of a society's religious beliefs by one dictat shows some stupdity. Even if you are a god.

[sucrelefey.livejournal.com]

The only thing Akhenaten had going for him was a pretty wife, well the first one. Many pharaohs demonstrated why royal incest was a bad idea.

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

Crown Prince Rudolf!!! Mayerling wasn't a tragedy, it was a triumph of unbelievable stupidity. I've read suggestions that he actually murdered Marie Vetsera first, then spent hours trying to get up the gumption to kill himself.

The Hapsburg coverup attempt was also a marvel of cruelty and incompetence. They made the poor bereaved parents travel back to Vienna with the Baroness' corpse, propped up upright in their coach, so as to create the illusion that she hadn't died there.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

They made the poor bereaved parents travel back to Vienna with the Baroness' corpse, propped up upright in their coach, so as to create the illusion that she hadn't died there.

Oh. Just, oh. That's so appalling. And most of those 'romantic' suicide things turn out to be idiotic. Antony and Cleopatra being an exception because they had run out of options. And also because Cleopatra held off on it until she was sure what her fate was going to be.

[sucrelefey.livejournal.com]

Quote from snowy_owlet
"(2a) King Leopold II of Belgium is on my Top Five List of Historical Figures Whom I'd Like to Kick. Hard."

And then her brilliant:http://snowy-owlet.livejournal.com/424394.html
Love the tag "boneheads of history"

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Oh, thanks for the link. That is truly excellent ranting there!!

[sucrelefey.livejournal.com]

It was the "rather not my dove" that got me giggling good.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Hee! And the poor guy had such bad luck!

[sucrelefey.livejournal.com]

Gothic goober comes to mind.