lesbiassparrow

How did this piece of glorious rubbish bypass me first time around?

Here's the official description from the back of the box: "As the last remaining Celtic tribes struggle against Roman invaders, young Prince Conor discovers his father's tribe has been overtaken by power-hungry King Gar and his evil wife, Queen Diana. As Conor flees his lands, his lover will lead him to a destiny he never expected."

What they fail to mention are:
1. The wonders of Heath Ledger's wildly shifting accent and attempts to channel Lucy Lawless in pivotol scenes. This would work probably better if he were actually Lucy Lawless and was forced to wear those leather skirts and bustiers
2. The startling wigs imposed upon the druids and everyone else in the belief that long stringy hair = authentically Celtic
3. The hilarity of the scene where young Conor loses his one true love while struggling ~~attractively~~ feverishly against the men who hold him back. Never have I giggled so much at young love cut off in its prime.
4. The dialogue. My god, the dialogue. Very little of which makes any sense at all, because clearly they were relying on the sight of Heath Ledger in tight pants to draw the viewers in and not thinking about writing lines which wouldn't make the audience giggle.
5. The bull-riding. By the one black person in 5th century Ireland.
6. Just how wonderfully, magnificently evil Queen Diana is. She slithers in and out of every scene
7. The faux-celtic soundtrack which makes it clear how inspiring this all is; this is particularly important in the necessary freeing of the slaves scene, where they run out of their wee cages through the mud to the accompaniment of a second rate Enya.

Run, don't walk to buy your copy! The complete and utter shamelessness of the entire show is extremely entertaining.