The worst first line...

[lesbiassparrow]

I am in UCLA's library, pretending to work and falling asleep instead. So in an effort to wake myself up I offer this meme thingy (is it a meme if you haven't seen it elsewhere? Though I suspect that it has been done many times before): suggest a fandom and I will write you the worst first line I can think of for a fic set in that fandom. While I am sure it will not match up to the most horrific first line actually written in that fandom, I will do my best.

Help keep me awake! I have to read any more of this particular book I will be running shrieking up and down the stacks...

Comments

[zandra-x.livejournal.com]

Farscape.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

As the fifth night of their captivity in Peacekeeper prison crept upon them, Crichton found himself once more contemplating the strangely erotic sheen of sweat on Rygel's lip...oh, how his hand itched to slide through it and slick it down Spanky's quivering flesh...

[zandra-x.livejournal.com]

Ha! I think if they had had one more season they might have gotten to that. It'd be canon!

[cryptile.livejournal.com]

Torchwood! Ha!

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

'Well' Jack said, backing off from a shaking filing cabinet 'if I don't shag the furniture every day, it means the aliens have won.'

I've actually never seen Torchwood, but if it involves shagging, it must also involve shagging, surely.

roflcopter

[cryptile.livejournal.com]

. . . that's not far removed from what Torchwood is like, actually. Well done!

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

And that should say: if it involves Jack it must involve shagging...

[http://users.livejournal.com/_eliza_b/]

How about Rome, for a fandom?

...and this is OT, but I was in that library a couple of hours ago. Excellent place for naps...which might be why that's all anyone ever does there.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

'Oh Vergcingetorix' sobbed Caesar as he stroked the Gallic king's manly thighs, now kissed with the dancing light from the tent's smoking torches, 'why must destiny make us enemies when our hearts would make us true lovers?'

(How can you not sleep in the library...it's so incredibly calming and quiet?)

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

Who. And, to be specific, Three!Who.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Of course, it all made sense now: the Doctor knew he was doing the right thing by trading Bessie, the Tardis and Liz in for a new Morris Minor - after all, it was sure to be the car of the future!

[pontisbright.livejournal.com]

The BBC Robin Hood. *cowers*

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

One fine spring day the good people of Nottingham woke up to realise that Robin had managed to clone himself. 300 times.

(Right that's two lines, but in fairness, it's hard to outdo the horribleness of the actual show.)

[pontisbright.livejournal.com]

I was wondering if it were possible to come up with fic more terrible than the show itself - and lo, you have provided. I vomit at the notion of multiple weaselboys. :(

(Lovely memeage, btw!)

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Isn't it depressing to think that most fanfic - even that of 12 year olds - for this show probably improves on the source? I mourn the ruination of Robin!

[morwen_peredhil]

300 Robins? That is TERRIFYING. *flees*

[tinuvielberen.livejournal.com]

300!

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

'Thermopylae?' cried Brasidas aghast, his lips quivering and his eyes filling with manly tears, 'I thought you said you wanted to go to Thermodias' Emporium and Agora of Leather Man-Panties!'

[koalathebear.livejournal.com]

This is wonderful.

Here's a tricky one for you. Any of Pride, Long Vacation or Meteor Garden.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Hey, thought Rui in a rare moment of reflection, maybe my dear, sorely abused mother is right: I should marry money...

(Okay, I went for HYD really...but it's sort of the same fandom as Meteor Garden!)

[sucrelefey.livejournal.com]

Earth Final Conflict, Andromeda, or any Rodenberry show beyond Trek.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid that I don't really know any of these beyond a few episodes of Andromeda...but here goes:

The day Dylan found out he was going to give birth to twin alien babies was the happiest of his life.

[sucrelefey.livejournal.com]

There is so much all kinds of wrong in that simplicity to make it right.

[evilbearhunter.livejournal.com]

Ooh, Harry Potter. I have serious doubts that you will be able to beat even half the crap out there. Hint: avoid capitals.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Upon mature reflection, Dumbledore realized that he should have known that starting up a new exchange programme between Hogwarts and Arkwrights' Ancynt Schoole of Underage Buggery and Black Magick was bound to cause controversy in the close-minded wizarding world.

[aikakone.livejournal.com]

"I saw a prono like that once."



:D I was reading the new "Movies in 15 Minutes" entry last night, so I saw that line again. :D

[aikakone.livejournal.com]

I'm surprised you haven't been asked about these yet, so 2 for the price of one post?

1. A Joss Whedon show (Buffy/Angel/Firelfy, or a melange of all 3)

2. Noo Skool Battlestar Galactica

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

1. Women, he thought (but in a particularly manly way), were rather creepy with all their soft bits and their hygiene: surely everyone knew that a man/vampire/captain like him could only love the tight buttocks and flashing eyes of his mortal enemy, Lex Luthor.

2. 'lol' sed the adMirel 'I tink i'm a cilon!'

[aikakone.livejournal.com]

Wow... #1 was like the WB special! *golf clap*

#2 was.... the second one. ;)





So, you any more awake yet?

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

A bit more...but no work done, alas!

Hey, I haven't seen you on lj for a long time - hope you've been fine?

[aikakone.livejournal.com]

Been here and there.

Had more drama of the love square sort. ('Member that from a few months ago?) Lemme see... Girl is visiting at the end of next month, as friends but visiting. Boy in Texas annoys the fire out of me, like he's trying too hard or something. Boy in Oz said in his typical round about way that he liked me (after I said I liked him first) and then he ran fast and far away like I was Wile E. Coyote and he was the Road Runner. Yeah, sure... he really likes me. Uh-huh...

Work's great. Usually is. I like my job.
The community orchestra I'm in has a concert Sunday.
And... well probably lots more, though I'm not sure it's all interesting. I haven't given you a good ST PM (ahhh... initials) or email in a long while.