Spy manpain: who has it worse?

[lesbiassparrow]

I should absolutely not be spending my Sunday on this. I should be doing things that will get me tenure, but this is so much more interesting. And important. THESE THINGS MUST BE DECIDED AND RANKED.



1. Jason Bourne (Bourne Movies). Suffers from amnesia, crippling guilt, and gets his girlfriend killed and his last goodbye is a necro kiss. Doomed to a life of never smiling again and probably living in a cabin built by himself out of rough hewn logs while being chased by the CIA. Pretty bad on the manpain front, I would say, but at least he got to swim in the warmer waters of the Mediterranean rather than the North Sea. And got a lump of cash out of it. BUT HE WILL NEVER SMILE AGAIN (Photographic evidence of his pain here: Here. For added bonus watch Calixa's moving video.


2. Lucas North (MI-5/Spooks). Spends 7 years in a Russian jail suffering for Queen! and Country! Returns with rather fine tattoos of Manly Anguish. (Which you will be comforted to know he did not have to do himself with a rusty nail). Loses his wife (I still cannot work out if MI-5 ever told the poor woman a cover story or just let her wander around for years thinking he had dumped her) who becomes a Russian spy to save him. Almost betrays his country. Nearly gets wife shot while trying to protect her. For pictorial evidence of his pain see here.

3. Tom Quinn (MI-5/Spooks). Miserable private life, partially of his own doing. Gets together with girlfriend under a false name. Gets dumped by her after he tells her basically nothing except he's a spy all. Gets her back but then nearly gets her and her daughter blown up. Dumped again. Eventually is believed to be a traitor or something. Then goes for a swim in the North Sea in a mad fit of depression. Every single terrorist crisis is timed to ensure that he can never be anywhere at the right time to sort out his relationship. (Seriously, the man is cursed with the worst luck in timing of any human being.) I have no pictorial evidence to show, but trust me he spends most of the time being wracked with anguish. Well, except for the bits where he is doing spy things, but they're not nearly as much fun as the relationship woe.

4. James Bond. Falls in love for the first and last time with a woman who turns out to be a traitor (but only to save another boyfriend). Has to watch her drown and then gets to kiss her cold, limp corpse and turn into a heartless bastard FOREVER. Wanders around killing people to avenge something or other which he can't quite admit.

I have to admit I am torn. Well, I think Bond clearly comes last but the rest are very, very close.

Comments

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Seriously you are going to love Adam's brand of manpain because you get to watch it be born.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

The only problem with Adam is that he is in so many seasons. I like my manpain in more condensed form because I am lazy.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

It is worth watching. Evolution in manpain. Plus? He has this adorable little kid and so it adds to the Adamness.

[library-of-sex.livejournal.com]

BOURNE ALL THE WAY, BABY!

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Ha! I love your icon, though Jason Bourne would never EVER look so happy. HIS PAIN IS BOUNDLESS.

[library-of-sex.livejournal.com]

That icon is so anti-Bourne! I loves me some Matt Damon though, and he has an awesome smile, so I had to put that one out there!

[lage-nom-ai.livejournal.com]

#3: Well, does he come back out of the North Sea? 'Cause then that's weak.

I have to agree: Bourne's manpain reigns supreme! The amnesia and deathkiss seal the deal.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

I don't know if he comes out of the North Sea. I rather hope not, because otherwise it is a bit of a let down.

The necrokissing certainly adds a certain something to Bourne that the others lack (actually, the only reason that Bond makes the list is his own inferior brand of necrokissing).

[raincitygirl.livejournal.com]

Jason Bourne. Period. Why is this even up for debate?

And *strictly* speaking, James Bond had a bit of manpain even before Daniel Craig played him. In "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" he married Diana Rigg and then she was shot to death in front of him while still wearing her wedding dress.

Granted, the Bond which started in Casino Royale was a re-envisioning, so they officially threw out that bit of canon. However, I'd think the manpain would linger for decades, in spite of the canon being erased. I mean, it's Diana freaking Rigg. To get her and then lose her would be extremely depressing.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Losing Diana Rigg would certainly be a severe blow to anyone with a pulse. I like to think that all the Bonds are just reincarnations of each other so maybe that mental anguish still lingers.

[brainchild129.livejournal.com]

So James Bond is a Time Lord?

IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

It certainly explains why the ladies love him so much. But if so, where's his TARDIS?

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Could his TARDIS be the Aston Martin? Except unlike the Doctor's one it can actually update once in a while.

[morwen_peredhil]

Bourne, Bourne, Bourne, and Bourne. And did I mention Jason Bourne?

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Bourne is pretty chock full of the manpain. It's amazing that he can even get up in the morning, let alone take down big chunks of the CIA.

[wistfulmemory.livejournal.com]

I think I have to go with the majority on this one and say that Bourne definitely has it the worst, especially as he can't remember all of the reasons why he's having to experience manpain, so I think that makes it even worse.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

It is a bit hard to have all of the guilt and none of the memories. And the memories he does have must not exactly bring happiness what it the dead girlfriend killed because of him, etc.

[namastenancy.livejournal.com]

Well....grumps...if you guys want Jason Bourne...grumps some more. But there is no way that the fresh faced actor who played him can convey man pain. Now, Richard Armatige! That's suffering + tattoos. Dark and brooding. Sexy suffering and brooding.
I guess Daniel Craig would come in second for me; he's a blonde and blonds don't do it for me but I'll make an exception for Craig.
That shot of him coming out of the ocean in those skimpy blue bathing suit.
Now, what were we discussing?

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

In the Bourne series I admire Matt Damon's ability to never smile. It's sort of magnificent. But each one of these four manages to convey agony in excitingly different ways. And Lucas North does have the permanent reminder of his anguish what with the angsty prison tattoos and all.

[alexandral.livejournal.com]

I am going to be in minority but Tom Quinn's mainpain rocked my socks. Bourne could have been there, if only he was better looking and British. :D

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

I must admit that I have a great fondness for Tom Quinn's manpain. I haven't seen beyond 2.1, though because (apart from the North Sea incident) I feel that this is a nice run that is complete in itself. And how can the man possibly be hit with even more bad timing? At some point the thing will slide into parody...