Spy manpain: who has it worse?

[lesbiassparrow]

I should absolutely not be spending my Sunday on this. I should be doing things that will get me tenure, but this is so much more interesting. And important. THESE THINGS MUST BE DECIDED AND RANKED.



1. Jason Bourne (Bourne Movies). Suffers from amnesia, crippling guilt, and gets his girlfriend killed and his last goodbye is a necro kiss. Doomed to a life of never smiling again and probably living in a cabin built by himself out of rough hewn logs while being chased by the CIA. Pretty bad on the manpain front, I would say, but at least he got to swim in the warmer waters of the Mediterranean rather than the North Sea. And got a lump of cash out of it. BUT HE WILL NEVER SMILE AGAIN (Photographic evidence of his pain here: Here. For added bonus watch Calixa's moving video.


2. Lucas North (MI-5/Spooks). Spends 7 years in a Russian jail suffering for Queen! and Country! Returns with rather fine tattoos of Manly Anguish. (Which you will be comforted to know he did not have to do himself with a rusty nail). Loses his wife (I still cannot work out if MI-5 ever told the poor woman a cover story or just let her wander around for years thinking he had dumped her) who becomes a Russian spy to save him. Almost betrays his country. Nearly gets wife shot while trying to protect her. For pictorial evidence of his pain see here.

3. Tom Quinn (MI-5/Spooks). Miserable private life, partially of his own doing. Gets together with girlfriend under a false name. Gets dumped by her after he tells her basically nothing except he's a spy all. Gets her back but then nearly gets her and her daughter blown up. Dumped again. Eventually is believed to be a traitor or something. Then goes for a swim in the North Sea in a mad fit of depression. Every single terrorist crisis is timed to ensure that he can never be anywhere at the right time to sort out his relationship. (Seriously, the man is cursed with the worst luck in timing of any human being.) I have no pictorial evidence to show, but trust me he spends most of the time being wracked with anguish. Well, except for the bits where he is doing spy things, but they're not nearly as much fun as the relationship woe.

4. James Bond. Falls in love for the first and last time with a woman who turns out to be a traitor (but only to save another boyfriend). Has to watch her drown and then gets to kiss her cold, limp corpse and turn into a heartless bastard FOREVER. Wanders around killing people to avenge something or other which he can't quite admit.

I have to admit I am torn. Well, I think Bond clearly comes last but the rest are very, very close.

Comments

[wistfulmemory.livejournal.com]

I think I have to go with the majority on this one and say that Bourne definitely has it the worst, especially as he can't remember all of the reasons why he's having to experience manpain, so I think that makes it even worse.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

It is a bit hard to have all of the guilt and none of the memories. And the memories he does have must not exactly bring happiness what it the dead girlfriend killed because of him, etc.